Richard Hogan: Joe Biden is right — family is everything

'Manong' Richard Hogan, with some of the young people of Embrace Badjao

I have just returned from Davao in the Philippines. I work with a charity I set up called EMBRACE Badjao — (European Mission for Badjao Relief and Continued Education). The Badjao are a wonderful tribe that live above the shoreline; their way of life is fascinating to witness.

It is certainly one of the great privileges of my life, to be welcomed into their community as a trusted friend. Being with them is to see the value of family.

On our first day, we brought all of the children attending school out for lunch — a rare treat for the children. There was the screaming joy of 50 children when Jackie Araman, one of the teachers in the school and one of the tribe members who came to live with my family for three months in 2019, announced the exciting news about lunch. I could see the smiles on my team as they witnessed the utter happiness and unguarded joy of the children, it made them unguarded too.

That is what happens when you are in the tribe’s presence, they disarm all the protective shields we have to make sure we don’t embarrass ourselves in front of people.

Immediately you are less self-aware, a dancer unaware of the dance, and lost in the joyful music of humanity, sharing jokes, high-fiving, and the odd punch in the stomach to check if you are, indeed, Ironman.

I can see some of the younger children staring at me. “Are you Ironman?” they ask. “Of course, I am, who else would I be?”

Embrace Badjao in action

OLD MAN

My true identity is soon revealed by the older children I have worked with for more than 13 years. “Manong” they call me — “old man”. I have watched these children grow up, become adults, marry, have children, and settle down. They have watched me age too, and they tell me that every time they see me.

That first meeting of the team was fascinating to observe. When all the food was handed out after the pandemonium of ordering and the drama that ensues any purchase in the Philippines had abated, I could see the looks on the Irish team’s faces as they watched children sit for more than 30 minutes without touching their food, they were waiting for everyone to be served before they started eating.

I remember many years ago my first time bringing them to Jollibee (an Asian McDonalds). I asked one of the children: “Do you not like the burgers?” My question was in response to all the uneaten burgers in front of the children. “No,” they replied, “full”.

It wasn’t until I went back to their homes that I understood what had taken place. They were saving the food for their family. I witnessed them cutting the burgers into pieces for everyone in the family. It was an incredibly touching moment. “Family is the beginning, middle, and end” — that’s the meaning of life for them.

Living among the Badjao tribe for a period of time always gives you an insight into the human condition; I always take so much away from the experience. Of course, while I was there I was following the events that were unfolding in Ireland with Joe Biden’s visit to our shores. And his line to the 27,000-strong crowd that turned up in Mayo to witness his passionate riverside address: “Family is the beginning, middle, and end — that’s the Irish of it” was an inspiring moment.

President Joe Biden in St Muredach's Cathedral, Ballina, Co Mayo. Picture: John O'Grady.

FAMILY IS EVERYTHING

As I read these words surrounded by Badjao families, I discovered a note from my daughter secretly stuffed in my pocket: “Come home soon Dad, love you to Saturn and back.”

Biden’s words really hit me. It’s something I have known for a long time, but at that moment, lying in a hammock in the evening, listening to the Badjao tribe lovingly interact with each other, the sun sinking like a ship into the Pacific outside, the soporific air lulling me into some sort of dream-like state as children played in the broken streets below, I was thinking about my own family of origin and the impact it had on me and who I became.

Having just finished a book on the importance of family, Biden’s words had a profound impact on me at that moment. Family is everything.

The Grant Study, one of the longest studies into human happiness and life satisfaction, carried out by Harvard, ironically included the first American president to visit our shores in its cohort, JFK, found that life meaning and satisfaction is not in money or acquisition of objects but the level and depth of the relationships you have with those you love, family and friends.

Living with the Badjao tribe, who struggle with abject poverty, if you really observe them, you see how rich they are with how they love and support each other. They are all family, we are all family, connected through our humanity. We are all the same under an MRI, if we truly began to see each other like that how colourful and rich our world would be.

Family is everything, as far as I can see, it’s the meaning of life and we are all family.