Denis Fogarty: Losing my father when I was 23 has been the hardest challenge in my life

'His passing was very sudden, it took a bit out of me, but as time went on, it made me incredibly resilient'

Sat, 10 Dec, 2022 - 02:05

Mary Cate Smith

I grew up outside the town of Cashel and went to school in Rosegreen, mostly known for the stud farm, Ballydoyle, where Aidan O’Brien trains his horses.

I played rugby professionally for over 13 years with Munster, Aurillac, Agen, and Provence before entering the corporate world, specialising in sales and business development.

My mother came from a farming family. I spent many weekends working on the farms but it became apparent it wasn’t my strong suit. I knew from an early age a farming career wasn’t for me but I always loved the freedom of working outdoors.

My earliest sporting memory was at age seven when I was brought into my local rugby club, Cashel RFC, so when I joined Rockwell College team in 1996, I felt right at home.

I believe I had certain characteristics that pushed me in the direction of sport — I was passionate about it and naturally skilled at it, so in that sense I think it was something I was born to pursue.

Being a professional rugby player taught me many valuable skills like leadership, communication and teamwork.

The coping mechanisms and relentless pursuit of success I learned as a professional sports player over the years have been invaluable tools for me since I embarked on my post-rugby career.

Losing my father when I was 23 has been the hardest challenge in my life. I was in the middle of a very exciting part of my life with my rugby career and Dad was obviously incredibly proud watching on and I really valued his support. His passing was very sudden, it took a bit out of me, but as time went on, it made me incredibly resilient.

It has been four years since I retired from rugby and I am working on my corporate career. I know my biggest achievement is on the way.

I think my greatest quality is the ability to deal with people. I really enjoy meeting people face-to-face and creating that connection with them.

I am lucky to have some great friends with whom I played here in Munster, who I can turn to at challenging times. My brother, John, also had a professional rugby career and has gone through similar challenges. He is someone I always turn to for comfort, laughter or when I need his advice on something.

The lesson I would like to pass on is to accept the challenges in your life and never be afraid to fail. I have learned my biggest life lessons from challenges in my life which have helped me to become incredibly agile today and taught me to keep moving forward and focus on what’s next.

I’ve been given some great advice along the way by some incredible leaders but there is one saying that stuck with me when I was transitioning out of professional rugby and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I wasn’t having any luck finding a job and I spoke to my brother and he said, “if there is something you badly want in your life you’ll always find a way to get it.”

This is something I draw inspiration from in my everyday life. Whether that is making time for the gym or applying myself at work, you can always find a way. If you don’t, you might not want it badly enough.

I would like to be remembered as someone who made people laugh and smile. Whatever the situation is, it’s important to not take everything too seriously.

Life can be difficult and for me it has always been so important to surround myself with people who enjoy having a chuckle.

I have thought a lot about changing things from the past, especially when I retired from professional rugby, and wish I had been more obsessed with looking after my body in every way that would allow me to perform at the highest level every weekend. I believe that if you want to excel in something, you nearly have to become obsessed with it, and success in sport really does require full commitment — both body and mind.

Climate change has definitely impacted my everyday life. We try saving energy at home, we eat a lot more vegetables and I use public transport where possible to cut down on using the car.

Over time and with a lot of practice, I have become really good at dealing with adversity in my life. I reach out for help when I feel I can’t deal with something whether that is to a friend, family member or getting professional help.

My mum has always been a huge preacher of this and has always said that it’s ok to look for help. It’s something I will be forever grateful for and practice with my own kids.

There are many things that surprise me in life but as I get close to 40 years old, I just feel like a 23 year old. Obviously not physically but I still get excited about the same things I got excited about then.

There isn’t a lot that scares me apart from the uncontrollable in life, but I am slightly concerned about the changing nature of the world that my kids are growing up in.

It is very different from the world I grew up in, and as a parent, you are ever conscious of the perils that everything from social media to climate change can present for younger generations without careful guidance and corrective action.

I wanted to be a Garda from a very young age and always thought if I didn’t make it as a rugby player, I would try to get into Templemore to become a Garda. I do admire An Garda Siochána and what they do for us.