Stars in Your Lives: Why a Gemini might just wear you out
Venus Williams Picture: Photo/Elise Amendol
21 May — 20 June
Air
The Twins
It’s early June, and you’re driving a passenger across town. Your favourite CD, Panpipes of the Andes, creates a peaceful atmosphere in the taxi as you carefully navigate a busy roundabout.
Then, suddenly: “For Heaven’s sake: put your bloody foot down!”
Your passenger, wearing a ‘Birthday Girl’ sash, jumps onto your lap and furiously toots the horn.
“Come on, dude,” she yells, “we’re not auditioning to play the snail in a Christmas panto — go, go, go!”
You realise you’re about to crash into the butcher crossing the street and scramble to regain control of the car to save his bacon — in every sense.
Then, miraculously, your Skoda Octavia grinds to a halt. Your Gemini passenger has now returned to her rightful seat, having grown bored of all the driving.
However, don’t expect her to be quiet for long — it’s just a brief reprieve before this playful thrill-seeker gets a second wind.
It’s not just impatient Taureans who refuse to wait the full term before blasting into the world — nine months in one place is also a no-no for footloose and self-stimulating Geminis. And woe betide any nurse who attempts to swaddle them — after being imprisoned in the womb for so long, they have places to go and people to see!
Gemini Bob Dylan once sang about rolling stones — a perfect ode to their migratory spirit.
Yes, they might arrive in time for sunny summer, but no matter the season, Geminis rain on their parents’ parade. Bundles of craic, absolutely, but with their dual personality — symbolised by the twins — they’re inconsistent, constantly seeking new experiences before immediately tiring of them.
Heck, don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning to find couples lining up outside the door. Your baby, determined to keep life fresh and exciting, will probably be interviewing for new parents.
Geminis are the Peter Pans of the Zodiac — ill-prepared to grow up and act in a mature, responsible fashion. Expect them to be wearing nappies in their vintage years when, ironically, they’ll need them again following decades of partying.
Geminis change their minds because of their full-bodied aversion to routine. Take ‘Purple Rain’ singer Prince: he tired of his name — and words in general — and rechristened himself as a symbol.
Norma Jean Baker took a similar approach, reinventing herself as Marilyn Monroe, while Kayne West rebranded himself as Ye.
But it’s not just their names they change — or their age (See: Nadine “What date of birth did I say?” Coyle). It’s also their image. Angelina Jolie morphed from a blood-loving wild-child to an international humanitarian overnight. Kylie Minogue abandoned her dungarees for sexy hot pants, while Colin Farrell, once a Hollywood lothario, is now a yoga lover, replacing doggie-style for downward dog.
Thanks to their ruling planet, Mercury, Geminis excel in communication, often pursuing leadership roles like JFK or Wolfe Tone. However, these leaders’ opinions aren’t always worthy of our attention — step forward, Boris Johnson and Donald Trump. Yes, Geminis have a way with words even if they don’t always know what they mean — I’m looking at you, no-it-isn’t-ironic Alanis Morrisette.
Geminis lack depth but excel in quick-witted repartee. People love them, and they love people — until boring of them, of course. They boast a vast social network — take Courteney Cox; everyone knows Monica was the glue in Friends.
Unsurprisingly, this sign thrives around others — and the sporting arena is no exception. They excel in games where they can chat with teammates and rivals like Venus Williams, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal.
However, it doesn’t matter how successful a Gemini is professionally; if they’re bored, they’re out. Björn Borg retired from tennis at just 26 after winning Wimbledon five times in a row — his relationship with the game went from 15-love to 15-hate overnight. Classic Gemini!
Naturally communicative, Geminis make outstanding broadcasters and, especially, educators. The school curriculum — vast and varied at primary level — keeps them interested. That said, in addition to being the class teacher, they’ll also be the class clown.
Along with making the tea in the staffroom, they’ll be spilling it — they love to gossip! As such, many view them as two-faced, like the sign’s symbol, the twins. Your Gemini co-worker will effortlessly switch from phone calls to Whatsapp groups to Zoom meetings, sharing all their scandal.
They even have life-long subscriptions to those trashy magazines that document inebriated celebrities falling out of nightclubs at 4 AM — who are, more than likely, fellow convivial Geminis.
Brace yourself for romancing a Gemini — no two dates with this social butterfly will be the same.
Thursday will be a film, Friday, disco dancing, while on Saturday, you’ll both fraternise with a rock band backstage. Then, on Sunday, your Gemini lover will ask you, “Have we met before?”
They’re also fussy eaters, meaning you could suggest every romantic restaurant known to humankind, and they’d reject it — but because of their unpredictable nature, tomorrow, they’ll love it.
Months into the relationship, when you suggest moving in together, the commitment-phobe will disappear out the door, torpedo-like, never to be seen again. Word to the wise: resist expressing your love if you want to take your relationship to the next level. Instead, tell them you don’t see a future together — ever competitive, Geminis love a challenge, and you’ll be married by Sunday.
Then divorced by Monday.
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