Stars in Your Lives: Here's what to expect from an Aries
Lady Gaga performs a medley at the 64th Annual Grammy Awards on Sunday, April 3, 2022, in Las Vegas. Picture: AP Photo/Chris Pizzello
21 March — 19 April
Fire
The Ram
Sitting by the Cliffs of Moher, you notice a scantily-clad man emerge from what appears to be a cave. Like our early hunter-gatherers, thick hair covers most of his face and body.
You gather the remnants of your lunch to allow him to join you on the bench, but with a steely-eyed focus, he marches past you before suddenly hurling himself over the cliff’s edge to near-certain death. You’re about to sound the alarm when a staff member approaches you, bemused.
“Don’t worry,” he says calmly, “your man does this every fecking day. He’s got an unquenchable thirst for adventure and is currently training to break the world record for freestyle cliff diving, God be good to him.”
“But… What… Wait,” you stutter, peering over the edge to see if a corpse lies splattered across the jagged rocks below. Blessedly, it doesn’t.
“Who is he?”
“I thought that would be patently obvious,” the staff member replies. “He’s an Arien.”
And that’s when the penny finally drops.
“Ah, of course — say no more.”
A child’s first words are often “Mama” or “Dada”. The ram instead echoes Dirty Dancing’s Patrick Swayze, who astutely said of his Arien co-star Jennifer Grey: “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
For this sign, there has never been a more appropriate declaration. Some describe their behaviour as pioneering and courageous; others, namely their parents, call it bloody reckless. As the Zodiac’s first sign, these primal, adrenaline junkies crave adventure. They don’t wait the usual nine+ months to walk — after getting their first fuelling from mother’s milk, they’re off!
Talk to the mothers of Harry Houdini, David Blaine or gunpowder-mad Guy Fawke — a trio of daredevil Ariens.
Parents should accept from the get-go that nobody tames these cave babies — not the teachers, the police, or the army. Nobody. And don’t bother sending them to the Time-Out corner, as they always find ways to be entertained — like Arien Vincent van Gogh, who happily whiled away the hours dismembering himself.
ABBA songstress Agnetha Fältskog once declared the ‘Winner Takes it All’ — and she should know. Ariens are highly competitive — in fact, some of the greatest showbiz rivalries were between rams: I’m looking at you, Twink and Linda Martin.
Their combativeness also makes them natural leaders, dogged in their determination to persevere. In true Arien spirit, Samuel Beckett once wrote, “I can’t go on. I go on.”
The ram always sallies forth no matter what the world throws at them. (See also: Celine Dion, ‘My Heart Will Go On’.) This resilience has stood Arien athletes in good stead, like Ronaldinho, Mo Farrah and Maria Sharapova. And don’t let silent movie icon Charlie Chaplin fool you — another muscle these Ariens flex is their tongue, always saying what’s on their mind.
They claim huge personalities and thrive on being centre stage, preferably with a microphone in hand, basking in the adoration of fans. Take Mariah Carey or Elton John — or Lady Gaga, whose name perfectly fuses Ariens’ desire for status with their inherent exuberance.
In the workplace, rams like Leonardo da Vinci excel in various disciplines — from painting to maths, science to politics. That’s when they’re not volunteering to be a human piñata during the office Christmas party. For group projects, they assume the role of leader — but anyone not pulling their weight will feel their wrath.
Your Arien colleague must also triumph sartorially. While not the most materialistic sign, they need to be the envy of others. Inspired by fellow rams Posh Spice and Sarah Jessica Parker, your colleague will have no qualms about spending their entire monthly cheques in the boutiques. Expect plenty of fur coats and mink capes, which also pay tribute to their hunter-gatherer roots.
Yes, they might be dressed to the nines, but they’re often at sixes and sevens, wondering why some employees are better treated than others. Honest to a fault, this sign champions equality, so expect them to be the office rabble-rouser.
“Guys, bad emotions don’t exist!” they’ll inform the other workers while standing atop the filing cabinet. “If you’re angry, be angry! If you’re sad, be sad! Don’t let the fat cats dictate your worth! Now, has anyone seen my box of matches? This flimsy office block is begging to be cremated!”
In romance, Ariens jump into a relationship head-first. Unlike other signs who cautiously approach matters of the heart, rams aren’t shy about expressing their feelings. It’s no coincidence that some of the world’s most prolific lovers, including Casanova and Hugh Hefner, were born under this sign. And it’s easy to see why many are seduced by their charms because, despite their wild nature, they light up a room like a megawatt lightbulb.
Averse to social norms, they disregard Hallmark flourishes like flowers, candles and serenading violins. Instead, the Arien will take you to an all-you-can-eat buffet to fuel your evening activities — probably scaling Everest blindfolded or making the Sydney Opera House vanish.
Word to the wise, conversation will be sparse during meals.
Yes, your Arien date will readily chew the fat — but only in the literal sense. Always wanting to be first, they view dining as a competition, so don’t bother asking them about their favourite songs. Although I imagine they include ‘Flying Without Wings’, ‘Girl on Fire’ and ‘Wrecking Ball’.
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