50 wedding lessons that couples and wedding experts have learned since March 2020

There has never been a more creative time to get married. Long gone are the stuffy traditions and political guest lists of yore, and in their places are new customs, made up of pared-back romance and undying love. Kate Demolder speaks to couples, planners and guests whose weddings were directly affected by the pandemic, and what they learned from planning a wedding in chaos.

1. Look at the bigger picture

We were due to get married August 22 2020 and made the decision around April to postpone our wedding to 21 August 2021. We changed venues, invited smaller numbers and had to do things our way which felt like a let down when planning but actually allowed us to have the wedding we wanted rather than the one we felt we should have.

Carl, Groom

2. Get on top of your admin

We were lucky with vendors in that they were all able to move dates and keep the same deposits etc, but we also found ourselves that when we got everything admin-wise finished – including PCR tests – we got a great peace of mind.

Carl, Groom

3. Be pessimistic in the planning

It seems so negative to write down, but, by planning for the worst we were able to avoid disappointment on the day and actually be pleasantly surprised by what did work.

Carl, Groom

4. Do it abroad, just the two of you

Escape the lists, politics and obligations and have a romantic ceremony all on your own.

James, Groom

5. Try to be realistic with your expectations

As much as you’d like things to be the same as pre-Covid, that’s not always possible and things can change at short notice. Adjusting your expectations can really help to avoid disappointment, I tried to expect the worst and be prepared for it. When things worked out better than expected, it was a bonus!

Meg, Bride

6. Allow for your emotions

There were a lot of times where I felt I should be grateful because I hadn’t had to postpone my wedding. In reality, there were a lot of things that didn’t happen due to Covid, so allowing myself to feel disappointed and upset was much better than trying to force myself to be positive.

Anna, Bride

7. Get support

There were a lot of restrictions in place which meant I couldn’t always take people with me to my planning appointments. I found that this resulted in me taking on all of the responsibility and doing things alone.

In hindsight, I wish I was more creative with how my friends and family could get involved. Make sure you’re sharing the decisions with those you’d share them with if things were “normal”. Talk about how you’re feeling.

Jenny, Bride

8. Focus on what’s important

Think about what this day really means to you and make sure elements of that are incorporated in whatever way you can. My plans became a lot more streamlined after Covid but I had all the things that were important to me.

The added extras weren’t missed. Our wedding ended up being more intimate than we originally planned but on the day I didn’t notice. I had the best time and wouldn’t change a thing!

Meg, Bride

9. Have back-up plans

My first tip would be to have back up plans. Four days before my wedding my brow technician got pinged so couldn’t do my eyebrows. Then two days before the same thing happened with my hairdresser!

Tasnime, Bride

10. Avoid ‘wedding’ items

My other tip would be to look for things that are specifically advertised for weddings. My shoes were €20 from New Look as they were just plain white platform shoes. Ones called “wedding shoes” were a minimum of €50.

Tara, Bride

11. Triple check everything

It’s important to keep checking with your venue, registry office etc about their Covid rules.

The registry office told us two weeks before our wedding that we could only have eight people in attendance, when we booked the largest room for 30! That included me, my new husband and the photographer! Other people couldn’t come and some family had to sit in the car.

Tasnime, Bride

12. Try not to be too rigid with dates

Choose the date around the availability of your vendors. The band at the wedding I was recently at were amazing and had everyone up on chairs and tables during the main course. The lesson I learned there is to plan the date based on what will make it the best day, not on what suits you best (although that should obviously be a factor!)

Max, Best Man

13. Don’t give too much away

If the wedding is well planned, you don’t need to give everyone a massive list of everything that’s happening. For the wedding I was best man at, everyone just had an arrival time and a dress code and that was it – no itinerary. Aside from a few asking “ok, so what’s the actual plan” it just meant most people could go with the flow.

Max, Best Man

14. Make sure everyone does Covid tests

We had two people drop out the week of because of symptoms, and it just wouldn’t have been worth the panic if they had come. It definitely helped us to relax a bit more.

Jack, Groom

15. Be kind to yourself

Weddings are extraordinary events themselves and you will have bad days planning them, especially during this time. So remind yourself that this is supposed to be a good time not a bad time and try to be patient throughout!

Xavier, Groom

16 Traditions don’t have to apply

At my (gay) wedding, my cousin walked with me down the aisle and my wife’s brothers accompanied her, while all the single men lined up to catch our bouquets, we had a best man and a best woman rather than bridesmaids, and we both made speeches. Most people there had never been to a gay wedding before so, while we introduced some traditional elements, we also had fun subverting the norm.

Sarah, Bride

17. Time is key

For those wishing to plan a wedding abroad, it’s best to leave plenty of time to do so rather than booking at the last minute, with travel, venues, decor, transport, catering, entertainment and a whole host of other wedding elements to consider.

If couples are looking one or two months ahead, it can be harder to make any last minute changes, and that includes changes needed due to travel restrictions. Being able to fly is one thing, but understanding how other countries are still affected by the pandemic is another, to consider.

Luke Nathan, The Wedding Travel Country

18. Personalised charms on glasses

Gamechanger, it made sure everyone kept their own glasses and didn’t have to worry about germ transference!

Seán, Groom

19. Prepare but don’t lose faith

Follow the news closely and maintain and open conversation with your vendors and guests, but also don’t forget that this is supposed to be fun. If you’re no longer excited, take a step back and reconsider some plans.

Jane, Bride

20. If you can, book a planner

Even an hourly one if budget allows! There has never been a more variable time in wedding history, a planner will allow you some peace of mind, which is sorely needed right now.

Georgina, Bride

21. Take care of yourself

As always, take care of yourself. Honestly, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry or to feel a wide range of emotions. One thing we like to tell our clients is that it’s not a matter of if, just a matter of when.

Your day will come, and trust us when we say it will be the most amazing thing. When we can all come together and celebrate, there will be nothing else like it.

Michelle, Dream Irish Wedding

22. Better safe than sorry

Whenever you can play it safe, do. For us, it is important to make the decision at least four-to-five months before to allow guests to be able to modify their travel arrangements. It is also better for everyone’s mental health.

Chris Adnitt, Wedding Planner

23. Don’t give up on your destination wedding dreams

While it may seem impossible to plan right now, a number of countries are excelling at providing safe, comfortable places for weddings. A lot of European countries have similar rules in place to Ireland at the minute, ensuring your guests’ safety above all.

Chris Adnitt, Wedding Planner

24. Aim for ‘could’

People are fighting over Thursdays at this point. Get started on your planning but the current game plan is ‘could.’ Find a venue that can accommodate 100 but could grow to 200.

Having an outdoor area that could fit your guest count in the case inside events become a no-no is a great plus. Budget for onsite testing of your guests because that could be a requirement.

But, above all these what-ifs, you have to be happy with any scenario. Accept that the virus and laws are not under your control and be willing to go in the available direction.

Lee, Groom

25. Be flexible

This is a year where flexibility is key, not only with date and location but also guest count.

We’ll basically be combining two seasons into one, and I know every other venue and vendor out there will be doing the same, so giving yourself as many options as possible is really important.

Lee, Groom

26. Budget for safety

Go ahead and add a line item in your budget for guest comfort items such as masks, sanitiser, etc.

Shane, Groom

27. Embrace the strangeness

You can’t try and hide what’s going on, so just go with it. Make a feature out of it and consider the photo opportunities. We had a champagne flute full of hand sanitiser at ours, things like that can bring a lot of humour.

Will, Groom

28. Homemade food

Since the numbers are smaller this year, couples are choosing homemade food and snacks to provide to guests at weddings at home. If you’re into that sort of thing, it’s a lovely touch!

Anne, Mother of the Bride

29. Choose the outfit you want

Weddings have never been so tailored to people’s tastes, particularly when it comes to what the couple who are getting married wear.

With jumpsuits, suit sets, mini dresses and removable skirts all readily available, the world is your oyster when it comes to a wedding outfit. Choose what it is you want, not what you think you should wear.

Michelle, Dream Irish Wedding

30. Read the contracts

This is good advice all the time, but it is especially important while planning a wedding during a pandemic. You’ll want to know what the cancellation and rescheduling policy is, when you have to make the decision, and whether your deposit will transfer over to the new date. Also ask if there are restrictions on the new date; some vendors let you reschedule only if it’s within a year.

Rachel, Bride

31. Understand that you can’t expect communication all the time

Many wedding vendors, like hotel coordinators, have been hit hard by the pandemic and may be working limited hours. The event coordinators at our venue are down to 20 hours per week. It’s a good idea to ask what response times you can expect so you limit frustration down the line.

Rachel, Bride

32. Minimise the number of vendors you’re working with

For example, I looked for a service that did both hair and makeup. If there’s a likelihood you’ll be rescheduling, limit the number of calls you have to make and schedules you have to coordinate.

Rachel, Bride

33. Consider electronic-only wedding communications

With the evolving changes regarding COVID-19, it would be very annoying to have your invitations printed with certain guidelines, only to have things change again.

For this reason, it may be wise to consider a website or electronic means of inviting your guests to your event. That way if things change, you can alert your guest list with the click of a button.

Michelle, Dream Irish Wedding

34. Space out arrival times

To prevent your guests from congregating at the entrance of your event, consider a fluid arrival time for your reception. You might even consider staggering arrival times on your invites so your guests arrive in waves rather than all at once.

Paula, Maid of Honour

35. Remember how lucky you are

Accept that no matter what you do you’ll have a fantastic day and take each day as it comes. Things can change all of a sudden.We went in thinking the maximum number of guests we could have for a wedding during the summer was 25 people and then we got to 50 in July. Some couples would have dreamed of that!

Sarah, Wedding Planner

36. Quality over quantity

We’ve had smaller weddings where they could really focus on the food or flowers or whatever it was they wanted to allot more budget to. Less quantity can often lead to more quality.

Sarah, Wedding Planner

37. Start early

With Covid restrictions, weddings end early, so start your day early, have your ceremony at midday with an early dinner so you can have plenty of time on the dance floor.

Sarah, Wedding Planner

38. Go back to basics

Think about the meaning of marriage and the two of you making a vow to each other. For us, getting married and having the legal part of the day was most important. Although not being able to have a wedding reception and more friends or family was hard, we still had such a special day.

Charlie, Bride

39. Just do it!

Marriage is about the love for your partner and sharing your day with those most special to you. Having a smaller wedding meant that we didn’t invite ‘those second aunties that you have never met’ - it was an event with all those closest to us, which I will cherish forever.

Philippa, Bride

40. Do it all over again

If small weddings are just not for you, why not plan a party when things open up fully and have the chance to wear your wedding dress again. When else would you be able to do that?

Philippa, Bride

41. Make it your own

My final bit of advice would be to make it your own. Due to the restrictions put in place, all our traditional wedding ideas of what a wedding “had to include” went out the window. Please do not panic as whenever you do get married here, it will be an amazing experience which you will never forget.

Philippa, Bride

42. Add stylish sanitation stations

There are loads of ways to make your guests feel safe and keep them healthy without sacrificing the look of your day. Your guests will be opening doors, picking up glasses, touching chairs and shaking hands so the best way to contain any spread of germs is to have lots of hand sanitiser and wipes available. Contrary to what you may think, there are nice ways to present them. Check Pinterest for loads of great ideas.

Alice, Bride

43. Adopt alternative seating

Seating plans have changed to allow for distance, with circular and semicircular seating plans becoming more popular. Guests can even be assigned ceremony seating in the same way as a reception – this ensures you can keep family units and ‘social bubbles’ together and avoid seating elderly grandparents or at-risk loved ones near someone you know may be more exposed.

Alison, Wedding Planner

44. Livestream your wedding

For loved ones who can’t attend or those living abroad, more couples are livestreaming their wedding to ensure safety. What we do is send the guests at home a link, record a message from the bride and groom and send them a wedding favour or bottle of champagne to allow them to join in in real time.

Chris Adnitt, Wedding Planner

45. Make guests feel more comfortable

Guests might have a few nerves about group gatherings after a long time away from them, so what we did is send out a welcome pack before the big day. Put in sanitiser, a mask and some wedding bits such as champagne or sweets to kickstart things well.

Sarah, Bride

46. Use a marquee that opens

For those using a marquee, allow a continuous airflow by hiring ones with open sides or removable walls. Marquee and tenting companies can allow for any eventuality so it’s worth considering if you’re looking to have it somewhat outside!

Mark, Groom

47. Include those who can’t be there

If you’re opting for a micro-wedding (20ish people) ask those who couldn’t come to send a photo of themselves and create a fun photo wall. Their smiling faces will bring you so much joy on your special day!

Lisa, Wedding Planner

48. Small can be mighty!

The pandemic has had such a significant impact on couples getting married. Still, as a wedding planner, the one thing I’ve appreciated during this time is that great things really can come in small packages. Hosting a micro wedding means couples get to spend quality with each of their guests and embrace every moment of their day. Just because you choose to have a lower guest count, it doesn’t mean you have to compromise on style or quality, so if you are thinking of planning a micro wedding, go for it!

Jo Pyman, Wedding Planner

49. Be selective

The pandemic has offered the opportunity for couples to rethink their day and what they hope to create overall. More than ever before, I am seeing couples continuing to exclude more traditional aspects such as a cake cut and first dance in favour of more personal elements that will ensure their wedding is authentic and unique. Don’t feel you need to host a traditional day; instead, grasp the opportunity and dare to be different!

Jo Pyman, Wedding Planner

50. Test test test

Good suppliers will be making sure their staff on-site are testing for covid regularly, don’t be ashamed to ask the same of your guests.

Chris Adnitt, Wedding Planner