Bernard O'Shea: 'I put onions on my feet to suck the toxins out of my body'

Bernard O'Shea wants magic to exist. He loves fads and will try pretty much anything - especially if it ends with green gunk on his feet.

Bernard O'Shea: Can onions pull toxins out of your body? I sliced up an onion about 1 mm thick and put it into a washed takeaway tub that I saved, especially for my smelly bulb procedure.

I’m obsessed with fads. Especially the ridiculous ones you know are snake oil and are usually clickbait for scams on the internet. I can’t stop clicking on them. I see “lose three stone in less than a month”, and it takes the strength of a thousand distinguished empires to hold me back on clicking my way to false hope. I’m the person who buys the rubber ear wax cleaner and the pillowcase that makes you sleep faster. I’m that fool.

If I were alive in the Middle Ages, I’d most definitely be an assistant to an alchemist. I wouldn’t have the necessary gumption on isolating minerals, but I’d be stupid enough to act as a guinea pig. It would probably end badly taste-testing the elixir of life for my master.