Bernard O'Shea: How do we measure up in a world where 'average' is a bad thing? 

When 'average penis size' is one of the top three Googled terms in Ireland, it's time to ponder what being average really means, writes Bernard O'Shea

Bernard O'Shea: Why is average a bad thing?

Recently I’ve been slightly obsessed with all things average. I’ve started to research what an average person would look like on the scoresheet of life and why being average has been somewhat shunned into the bold corner. One of the most influential people of the century, Steve Jobs, said, “Never settle for average”. As I write this article on an Apple device and text my sister on an iPhone, who am I to argue with his synopsis? But I might have to. 

Salary, penis size and height are the three most Googled terms to include the word “average” in Ireland. There was a time in my living memory when being average at something was an achievement. I obtained an average Leaving Cert, and I was delighted. I presumed my slightly below average IQ was sufficient to navigate my way through life, and as for my eh … appendage … it’s average. But somehow, in the last decade or so, the term has been reduced to meaning ordinary or below par.

If you listen to football analysts, they often use the phrase “below-average performance”, but what is an average performance? If a team wins comprehensively and concedes no goals, they are lauded. If they lose or even draw, they are gutted in the media. I’m sure most professionals in the game know that consistent average performances win things, but I don’t even know anymore if I’m watching an “average” game. More importantly, why do I feel the need to rate it?

Before Covid, my wife and I were staying overnight in a hotel and on the locker was a diminutive form for you to fill in about your stay. I filled it out on leaving and mostly ticked the “average” box. While walking down the corridor, I dropped my bag and walked back to the room. Once inside, I cut up and binned the review card. Somehow in my mind, I felt that an average review was a bad one. The hotel was fine. It was what we were expecting. It did everything that a medium-priced hotel should do. But I felt leaving no review was better than an average one.

I feel like everything I buy now I’m asked to review it. I order something on Amazon, and within minutes of its delivery, I’m asked my opinion on it. I bought an extra monitor recently for my work. Three different online entities asked me to review it. It’s a monitor. It works fine. TripAdvisor, possiblly the most comprehensive review product out there, is known to have destroyed businesses because of a few bad reviews. It's worse if your pub or hotel has no reviews or, God forbid, an average one. I completely understand the need for feedback, but it’s relentless, and it’s us that’s doing it to ourselves.

I’ve found myself reviewing myself. How was my last piece of work? How much sleep did I get this week? What’s my step count? What are my finances like this month? 

There are times I feel like my life has turned into a continual assessment, and if I don’t score above 70%, I’ll be kicked out of the class.

I recently analysed my sleep. I’m getting 6 hours a night. I was brainwashed into believing that I must get eight. I tried many things to help me nod off, from ASMR to hypnosis, even drinking buckets of chamomile tea. But on closer inspection, the average for someone my age is 7 hours. I had only to improve my nocturnal habits by an hour. The same went for exercise. Believing that I should be pumping iron daily and running 5ks while brushing my teeth, the average movement to keep healthy is roughly half an hour of brisk cardio a day and more strenuous stuff like lifting weights about two times a week. The problem is that I’ve convinced myself that the average isn’t enough even when I’m not even close to achieving the norm.

Looking at my own life been average is something I should aspire to. Being average is not easy. It would take at least six months of study to attain average intelligence. It will take me two years of moderate exercise and calorie intake to lose two stones. And if I want to achieve an average salary, I’ll need to upskill or win the lottery.

The mental benefit outweighs any material consequences of attaining the everyday ordinary. According to Psychology Today, “Contrary to popular belief, there are many advantages to being, and even feeling, average. If you want to avoid most physical and psychological illnesses, being average is one of your best options.”

The hardest part is parking my ego. Can I genuinely convince myself that the things I’m feel I’m good at I’m only average at? There are millions of better writers in the universe, far more qualified and gifted. Can I convince myself that it’s ok, even beneficial, to be happy and content in realising that my ability is average and something to be satisfied with? Time will tell. And time plays a crucial role in attaining everything average.