Bernard O'Shea: I hypnotised myself into learning German in my sleep 

"I know I'm mentally weak. I am petrified of being led subconsciously to do anything, even if it's good for me"

Bernard O'Shea: Watch out 2022, or should I say Achtung 2022 because I'm going to bejaypers the hell out of the Deutsche Sprache.

One of my fondest college memories was during my first rag week as a student. In the mid-'90s literally every college rag week had the same line-ups. Comedians, cover bands, mock events like race nights or fake weddings sprinkled in, there was always a hypnotist. During one of these shows, my friend nominated himself to be 'put asleep'.

I watched him climb the wonky stairs up to the temporary stage like a cocky MMA fighter. He was absolutely full sure of his mental strength that he could never be hypnotised because "it's all (rhymes with colics)". As he sat smugly in front of a couple of hundred fellow students, he smiled outwardly. He wouldn't be made a fool of by what he called "some shite merchant". He casual slugged from his can of warm Harp, watching all the other mental weakling's heads drop like cabbages from the tops of over-packed grocery bags.