How to avoid the intolerable pressure of the Christmas season

Richard Hogan on how to help kids to learn what’s important this Christmas

Richard Hogan: This Christmas, getting prepared and buying online will be an important feature if you want to avoid intolerable pressure in December.

The countdown to Christmas is on. Once we take down the last of the spooky decorations and consume the last of our neighbours' unwanted chocolate, we can say, without recrimination, ‘Happy Christmas’.

I wouldn’t dare offer that sentiment so early here, but it does seem like it is getting earlier and earlier each year. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older each year, but this Christmas has a feeling of being more chaotic than usual.

Every shop I have gone into over the last week or two enquiring about some gift or other I have been greeted by an array of overly excited shopkeepers warning me about the run that will be on the shops this December. I’m too late to be early apparently, but everywhere I’m being informed there will be nothing left in December.

Sales ploy or not, there is a sense that toy shops cannot promise they will have enough stock for consumers this Christmas. Another residual from the pandemic.

So, getting prepared and buying online will be an important feature if you want to avoid intolerable pressure in December.

I think this time of year has so many pitfalls for parents. And we have to be careful to mind our mental health. What’s the point of it all, if by the end of the season we have placed incredible pressure on ourselves?

If what’s waiting around the corner for us in January is financial stress I don’t think it’s possible to really enjoy those holiday moments.

Parents can feel pressure to buy everything their child dreams of. This pressure only intensifies in January as parents are left with huge financial strain because they have taken out loans to pay for everything. 

But it is important that we realise our children can have a wonderful Christmas without placing so much burden on ourselves. 

Of course, we all want our children to have a special time. But if I was to ask you, how many Christmas gifts can you recall from your own childhood? I would imagine, not too many. When you think of Christmas past, what comes into your mind?

Well, hopefully, it’s images of family, connection and togetherness.

Material gifts, generally, are not the things we really remember. Of course, there will be that one present you really longed for and remember those feelings of seeing it there all shiny and new on Christmas morning. But other than that, I doubt you recall too many of the gifts you received over your childhood. 

Our memories are generally more about a feeling of shared experience, not material gain. This time of year is always a good time to teach our children about stewardship and being more thoughtful about what Santa can bring.

Remember what I always say, a child who gets everything, enjoys nothing. So, helping our children choose what they actually want is an important part of the next few weeks. Of course, it is hard for them because they are bombarded by ubiquitous messages telling them what they should want. Our job, as parents, is to help them navigate the minefield of advertising. We must help them to choose what they want, not what they have been brainwashed to think they want.

By setting a limit of what they can ask for, they will be helping Santa. This idea is nice because it develops their sense of empathy and also reduces the pressure on you. Which is vitally important. January is a cruel enough month without starting the year in debt. Plus we know Santa is so busy.

Set boundaries and protect yourself from that trap. We all want our children to be able to enjoy their life. We want them to appreciate what they experience in life. So, ask yourself, the more I give my child the more they enjoy all the things they get? I think the answer to this is a resounding, no.

The more they get the more they expect, that’s just human nature. The more they get, the more you increase their immunity to joy.

I see this so often at birthday parties. Kids rifle through present after present with no joy, just quickly moving onto the next present without appreciating anything they have received. This is not a good mindset for your child to develop, and they will carry it into adult life. I have never met an adult that said, ‘I must thank my parents for giving into every whim I ever had and buying me everything I asked for’.

The child who experiences that type of environment doesn’t appreciate anything. In fact, it has stolen their ability to thrive. So, think about that over the next few weeks as you desperately think about all the things your child wants.

Helping them to prioritise what it is they truly want, and teaching them about altruism could be the best gift you give them this Christmas.