Bernard O'Shea dips his toe into the Wim Hof method... and the shower

Bernard O'Shea: 'The idea of cold water submersion and its benefits has been around for thousands of years'

Along with banana bread, hiking and Joe Wicks-ing (I’m applying to The Oxford English Dictionary to make Joe Wicks into a verb), sea swimming has been a rewarding medal of honour to bestow onto yourself and your Instagram account during lockdown. 

I had the grandiose plan to join the Happy Pear Brothers in a sea-swim in Greystones. With the 5k limit, I had to save that idea along with my pale flabby ginger body from entering the Irish Sea at sunrise. I don’t think my wife would have been too please either if I left her alone with three small kids and her full-time job for most of the morning. 

When I mentioned it to her she did offer a suggestion: “You should keep swimming until you see Holyhead”.  The idea of cold water submersion and its benefits has been around for thousands of years. This being post-Valentines-week, cold water has traditionally been associated with reducing libidos, especially in men. The phrase “take a cold shower” to cease Cupid's little arrows from firing is actually counter-productive. A 1993 study by The Thrombosis Research Institute UK found that regular cold showers increase sex-drive in men and women.

But cold water isn’t for everyone. A few years ago while working on a TV program with Marty Morrisey we got into a freezing cold lake in the middle of Wicklow. Afterward, Marty couldn’t remember anything. He was rushed to the hospital only to be diagnosed with “Transient Global Amnesia” which thankfully was harmless. When he told me, I Googled it and rang him back I said: “Marty, it says here on the internet that Transient Global Amnesia is caused by sudden immersion in cold water or strenuous sexual intercourse. Have you been making another program without me ?” 

With submersion off the cards, could I get the benefits of cold water swimming from a regular cold water shower? I asked Irish Examiner columnist and scientist extraordinaire Naomi Lavelle.

“The overall answer is yes, most of the benefits associated with cold water swimming are also attributed to taking cold showers. Obviously, both can depend on times and temperatures but some of the advantages, like improving our ability to deal with stress, boosting our immune system, and reports of increased mood, can be gained without ever leaving the house; simply turn the shower dial all the way down. A cold shock protein called RBM3 has recently been associated with brain synapse protection and even synapse regeneration in hibernating animals. This RBM3 could protect people from degenerative diseases like dementia.” 

Thus, there is real science behind freezing your preferred appurtenance off! However, I faced a genuine dilemma before I decided to imbue my bloodstream with RBM3. So far this year, I've given up sugar, walked barefoot in The Phoenix Park, worn a black carbon rock around my neck, and shoved warm salty water up my nose. I wasn’t ready to give up the only real time I have to myself.

I love warm showers. I stay in it for as long as I can before I feel guilty about making the kids go to the loo upstairs or the environment. If Greta Thunberg lived with us she'd be banging on the door shouting, “You are the problem Bernard - you shouldn’t be in there for that long.” 

During lockdown, my daily shower has been one of the tiny pleasures in my life. I put Olbas Oil in the shower tray, dim the lights and play Sigur Ros on my phone. Along with a hefty dose of imagination and delusion, I turn the downstairs toilet into a Spa Retreat I call “Spa Sous L’escalier”.  I decided on the wimp's cold shower, i.e I'd take my regular shower first and then switch to the cold. I turned the temperature nozzle all the way down. It creaked like an un-flossed tooth as it had never gone past 37 degrees before.

I decided to start at my foot and work my way up. It didn’t work. I only went as far as my knees and my brain screamed “STOP YOU STUPID IDIOT.” Then I decided to go again but by the time I got to the groin area I was close to weeping. I sat on the toilet for about ten minutes until my thoughts turned to the old Nike advert, “Just do it”.

I jumped in full-body, head first. I needed to be woken from my hibernation. I needed RBM3 in my life. However, I didn’t need to slip and wallop my arse and elbow off the shower door and take it off its hinges. Luckily installing shower curtains is within my D.I.Y abilities.

For six more days, I stuck my head under the freezing cold water. Every time it felt like I had stubbed my toe on the corner of a door and that pain spread throughout my entire body. I know that redheads felt the heat and cold more sensitively than most but I just couldn’t get used to it. 

I desperately wanted to have a boosted immune system, better moods, and to feel energised but like our two-year-old Sean screams when I’m trying to give him cauliflower “I DON’T LIKE IT”.

I wanted to tell people casually in conversation, “Well I do it every day and I definitely feel that I have higher levels of RBM3 in my system.” I waited for the surge in my body and mind to invigorate me with the virtues of cold water therapy but the only thing that came 7 days later was our new shower curtain. 

I didn’t suffer any memory loss and I won’t suffer the cold water anymore either. I’ll have to find my RBM3 kick elsewhere. I wonder is it in cauliflower?