It’s getting horny on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Never Knew They Were So Interested in the GAA. FiFi_WhiteRangeRover has changed her handle to FiFi_NoFaultLads because she reckons that nothing can possibly stop Cork from winning the Double.
Laura_RebelsAbú said she watched Cork’s goal against Kerry 473 times in one day because that guy Mark Keane is better looking than Roy Keane and the did you see the shoulders on him? I’m slower to jump on the bandwagon in case Cork get knocked out and Imelda Cronin-Buckley posts a photo of me with a Cork flag on my white Range Rover, saying ‘I always said Jenni was a bit Turner’s Cross’. (I’ve been burned once too often.)
So like, what are the chances of Cork doing the Double?
Guten Tag. I spend a lot of my time on Twitter because it is funny to watch all the people saying the same thing. In this week a lot of people were getting their knickers in a twist over the Wild Mountain Thyme trailer. I saw some people saying they never saw an Irish person speak this strange Leprechaun accent, but I think they have never been to Dunmanway.
That is one crazy way to talk, yes. I think Irish people have no leg to stand on here, because since I moved from Berlin I have heard your attempts to mimic my accent, most of which make me sound like a cross between Jurgen Klopp and that guy that says ‘Ve meet again Mr Bond’, no? So now I say, is it possible for Irish people to stop doing these cartoon German accents, ?
Hello, it’s Paul here from Sunday’s Well Residents Against People Who Only Drive Dacia Dusters. I’m writing to you today in relation to the re-opening of Daly’s Bridge. (Calling it the Shakey Bridge is just common, the mark of someone who goes to the chip shop without a hangover.)
We are like West Berliners up here in Sunday’s Well, Norries all around us and cut off from the refined elegance of the Mardyke and the Model Farm Road. Can you pop off a few brown envelopes for me there and get this sorted before Christmas?
Hello old stock. Nervous times Chez Reggie, all the talk down here is that Donald Trump is thinking of making a move to the Blackrock Road. I think ‘Trading Up’ is the term they use in the business – that White House looks like an act of vulgarity in Upper Glanmire.
Hoggy and Duckie Prendergast think that the Donald will lower the tone, while myself and Scobie Comerford’s position is that he inherited his wealth and plays golf during the week, which is basically a Linkedin profile for 80% of the guys on our stretch of the Blackrock Road.
I’ve called a meeting of Blackrock Road Residents Against Any Kind of Change - how can I persuade the locals that a Donald move won’t lower property prices down here?
Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. My quest for erotic satisfaction continues after my evening with a weed from Coachford by the name of Ultan who said come in to the kitchen here until I show you what I’ve got and it wasn’t it a loaf of sourdough bread, God help us.
It was about as much use to me as good manners in Killarney, sure where would you get a chance to use them? It is clear to me now that there is something wonky about rural men and it is high time I started dating lads from inside in Cork city who might have a bit more sophistication about them.
I have already had an expression of interest from a guard in Bishopstown who is promising all sorts with handcuffs, no less. Is Bishopstown a good part of Cork tell me?