How to be pure Cork: Tips on passing as a local in the Rebel County

After using a home DNA kit, Jennifer Steven's results weren’t as exotic as she had hoped. The Dublin native comes all the way – from Cork. Here, she tries to pass for a local.

Jennifer Stevens was shocked to find that her blue eyes came not from Sweden but East Cork. 

Two years ago I bought my dad an Ancestry DNA kit for Christmas. A keen amateur genealogist, he had been tracing his family tree and I thought it would be a great way for him to fill in any blanks he might have. 

He loved it and it got me thinking that I should get one for myself. 

I’m adopted and so have long harboured exotic fantasies about my birth father being an admiral in the Danish navy or a junior member of the Swedish royal family who sowed some wild oats in 1977 Dublin. 

I was very focussed on Northern Europe because of my blonde hair and blue eyes — and on royalty because I’ve always enjoyed the finer things in life! 

I sent my test off and eagerly awaited news of my Scandi relations.

More than 26 million people have taken at-home DNA tests in more than 30 countries around the world; and more people bought the kits in 2018 than in all the years before. It seems we are fascinated with who we are and where we’re from.

But checking your DNA does come with a dark side and there have been families torn apart when secrets have been uncovered and many experts warn about effectively selling your DNA to large American corporations.

However, I didn’t let that bother me. I’d no more secrets to unearth and I’m sure Big Corp America already has all my information thanks to my social media addiction and laziness when it comes to reading the constantly updated terms of service emails.

Finally, the day I had been waiting for arrived and I logged into the site to discover my fate. 

Was I part of the missing Romanov puzzle? Would my first cousin be a minor European princess or would I be… From Cork?

Turns out my fair hair and blue eyes are not Scandi born, they are from the grassy plains of East Cork. Are there any hidden princes in Midleton?

My family is as true blue as they come. Mum and Dad are from opposite sides of Dublin City, divided only by the Liffey and whether Henry Street or Grafton Street is better for shopping. 

With nary a ‘country cousin’ between them, the closest we got to Cork living was a week in Trabolgan in 1992.

I felt like a fraud. But the results spoke for themselves, there was no room for error with a result of 100% south Munster with a particular circled highlight of East Cork. 

No longer the Dub that I thought I was, could I ever fit into my new county?

There are things I know of course. I know my deep-rooted love of food (my husband once got a whole leg of Iberico ham shipped from Madrid for my birthday) must come from my Cork heritage.

I’ve eaten my way around Kinsale and shopped The English Market to eat at a later date. 

I know that Gubbeen, Ballymaloe, Clonakilty, Toonsbridge, and Hederman are producers to be revered. 

I sort of know that Cork people holiday in Cork and come to Dublin for Croke Park and not much else. 

And I once had a fabulous work colleague who left a bottle of Tanora on my desk so I could drink deep the bizarre and wondrous flavour of her home county.

Tanora has long been a Corkonion staple.

But I know that’s not enough to let me pass as a fully red-blooded Corkonian so I asked the most Cork women I know for their guide of what to say, eat, drink and do in order to be accepted. 

It turns out it’s a pretty universal list with a strong emphasis on Tanora, Beamish, speaking with a lyrical lilt, and going on days out to Fota. I can’t wait to move in permanently. Like.

Did I do that right?

Sabrina Hill, Kopper Salon

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Irish Examiner (@irish_examiner)

 

1. You need to ‘sing’ when you speak and always talk at the speed of lightning.

2. It’s essential to know the English Market inside out — from O’Connells fish to the Alternative Bread Company. Also, O’Flynn’s sausage hot dogs are the best cure for a hangover!

3. Elbow Lane has the best ribeye steak in the country.

4. The only stout is Beamish — you need a creamy Cork pint.

5. The best snug in Ireland for a cheese board is in Arthur Maynes and they give you Durrus, need I say more?

6. Who needs Dublin Zoo when you have Fota Wildlife Park. It doesn’t matter what age you are, it’s the best experience ever!

Anna Geary, TV presenter and Cork camogie legend

1. You need to start stockpiling Tanora now for Christmas.

2. Have a strong opinion about KC’s chipper (loving it or pretending to hate it are the only two stances for true Corkonians).

3. Spend weekends away but only in Cork!

4. Have an obsession with the sea if you live relatively close to it.

5. Barry’s Tea is compulsory and spot checks will be done in houses.

6. You have to have spiced beef at Christmas.

Young Offenders actor, Shane Casey, and Tom Durcan trying out a taste of spiced beef in the English Market.   

7. Remember to throw in ‘girl’ and ‘boi’ into all your sentences.

8. Definitely don’t forget to overuse the word ‘like’. “D’ya know what I mean, like?”

9. Speak using a melodic tone. Remember from a pitch perspective, go up an octave at the end of sentences.

10. Learn the language to fit in:

• The Merries = carnival amusements
• Haunted = very lucky
• Allergic = A strong expression of dislike
• I will ya = I have absolutely no intention of doing whatever is being asked of me
• Have a sconce = take a look at
• Massive = Very good/beautiful
• Chalk it down = definitely

Elaine Crowley, TV presenter

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Irish Examiner (@irish_examiner)

1. First and foremost you have to switch from Guinness to Murphys. That’s the first Cork commandment.

2. To quench your thirst on a day-to-day basis you need to get several bottles — perhaps even a tank — of Tanora.

3. Forget all other publications, you need to read ‘De Paper’ every day (The Examiner) and catch up on Cork life with The Echo.

4. Don’t be following those foreign games. If the ball isn’t pumped (football) or stuffed (sliotar) it can’t have priority in your sporting life. Occasionally we can support other activities, but only if Cork people excel at them. 

*See Roy Keane and Ronan O’Gara.

5. Forget going to the zoo, everything you need to see with the kids is in Fota Island Wildlife Park. Giraffes roaming around? A wandering peacock? Yep, we got you covered.

6. Doneraile Park is the most popular free tourist attraction in Ireland and a hidden gem. And the area is rich in literary tradition as well, from Edmund Spenser to Elizabeth Bowen to Canon Sheehan (a distant relative) you won’t fall short if words and poetry fill your soul.

7. I don’t need to tell you about the foodie delights of the English Market and fishy delights of Kinsale, knowing you!

8. If you fancy a little hike, ramble up the Ballyhouras, it’s breathtaking up there. You’ll find a great example of a ‘mass rock’ in the vicinity too.

9. And there’s no tea but Barry’s tea.

10. But mostly what is amazing about Cork is the people. We’re the best in the world. And modest too!!

Dr Doireann O’Leary, GP

1. The most important thing you need to do is LOVE Cork. Everyone from Cork loves Cork.

You’re ok with leaving Cork and people who aren’t from Cork are fine but nowhere else in the world is quite like Cork.

2. You must also love Roy Keane. And Michael Collins. Niall Tóibín was a Cork icon too of course.

3. Learn how to speak Cork: ‘C’mere to me, girl’ is a great way to let someone know you’re about to impart some words of wisdom and saying ‘like’ after every sentence is key to sounding like you’re from Cork.

You must also start addressing everyone as either ‘girl’ or ‘biy’ (boy).

4. Things to do: Take a walk in Fitzgerald’s Park and walk across the famous Shaky Bridge. Pana (Patrick Street) is the heart of Cork city. The best views of the city are at the top of Patrick’s Hill. While you’re up that direction you can go to ring the Shandon Bells. 

The steeple of the church at Shandon has a clock on each side; each clock tells a different time so it’s called The Four-Faced Liar. 

Then of course there’s the famous salmon at the top of the Shandon steeple. It’s known as the ‘goldie fish’. And remember to visit The Butter Factory museum and The Firkin Crane.

'Goldie fish' looms over the people of Cork city.

5. What you eat isn’t important really as long as you’re washing it back with Tanora. If you want a pint, it’s Beamish.

6. What to name your son: Finbarr, like.