This Much I Know: Shane Carthy, GAA Footballer

I hid my mental health problems for two years. I should have got an Oscar.

I have always been sports mad. My three older sisters were the exact same, as were my parents and extended family, particularly on dad’s side. Dad worked for a major tyre company until he decided to drive his own taxi. Mum works in accounts. They are both hard workers and taught me to give everything 110%.

By the time I did my Leaving Cert it looked like I was living the dream. I was a fully fledged Dublin footballer - after our training sessions I’d put on my school uniform whilst my team-mates changed to go to their jobs - and by the time I started Sports Science in DCU I’d been part of the All-Ireland-winning squad. But, secretly, I was battling with depression and anxiety and had suicidal thoughts.

The endorphins I got from playing football helped me cope but things in my head went from bad to worse. When I heard my grandfather, and then my grandmother, had passed away, I couldn’t feel any emotion and that’s when my parents knew something was up.

The morning of the Leinster Under 21’s final, I couldn’t stop crying. I managed to take part - we won and I was man of the match - but by then my family knew I wasn’t OK. Later, I had a panic attack, I blacked out and my next memory was waking up in St Pats [mental health service] where I spent 11 weeks.

Nobody knew when I was in St Pats. The press were asking if I’d be back for the championship semi-final. I’m quite reserved and like to keep myself to myself but I eventually I asked the coach to make it public. When it came out in the papers it was actually a massive weight off my shoulders.

I was diagnosed with depression and was so relieved to know what it was. To start with I was put on Prozac - I wasn’t a big lover of medication - and began talk therapy. I was 19 and began to make gradual progress.

I’m happy to tell my story if there's even the slightest chance it might help someone. I’ve a memoir coming out in February and I’m currently giving lots of talks for clubs and schools around mental health.

The best advice I ever got is to find what makes you tick. It doesn’t need to be a massive thing, just whatever works for you. I remember my first time in group therapy hearing this guy saying that for him, it was knitting.

My biggest fault is overthinking things.

The personality trait I most admire in others is loyalty.

The thing that irritates me most about other people is when they pretend to be something they‘re not.

My idea of happiness is simply having a coffee, looking at a gorgeous view on a beautiful day.

My idea of misery is having to sit in my dad’s taxi listening to him all day long!

I found Lockdown reminiscent of my time in St Pats. I had a pretty full schedule, doing yoga, writing, reading - I like non-fiction books about leadership and mind management like The Chimp Paradox - and getting out for more exercise.

At the moment, I’m working in a petrol station. I’ve deferred doing a Masters and starting a real career, in what I don’t know what…

I am organised to a fault. To the point that I know what I’m doing between 9.20am and 9.25 am.

Ambition is definitely more important than talent.

I don’t believe in an afterlife. This is it.

If I could be reborn as someone else for a day I’d be Cristiano Ronaldo.

So far life has taught me that everything happens for a reason.

Shane Carthy speaks out to encourage males aged 25-34 to seek out help with their mental health and to talk with therapists. For more information visit iacp.ie