Sleep experts' top tips on getting pre-schoolers to bed each night
“It’s a strong predictor for healthy sleep habits,” says sleep consultant and author Lucy Wolfe.
“Regular bedtimes, without too much fluctuation, are helpful for getting children to sleep with relative ease.”
Wolfe suggests bedtime start between 7pm and 8.30pm, but if a child is still napping, or has a ‘morningness preference’, this needs to be factored in.
“If they’re no longer napping, their bedtime should be nearer to 7pm. Also, lots of children have a morning preference — they wake earlier.
It’s biologically-driven and not something parents can determine,” says Wolfe, explaining that three- to five-year-olds need 10 to 13 hours of sleep.
“You want the work you put in to bedtime to go in your favour. You want the process to be logical and linear. Parents often do loads of wind-down activities downstairs, then bring their child to the bedroom. This breaks the spell of the bedtime routine — the child gets a second wind,” says Wolfe.
“Whereas winding down in the bedroom is more centralised to what you want them to do — they go to bed more easily.”
Wolfe recommends pre-bed hygiene — face-washing, teeth-cleaning, hair-brushing, bath — be done before bedtime wind-down begins.
Choose activities that promote connection between you and your child, says Wolfe.
Book-sharing, puzzles, and low-impact games — like stacking cups and spot the difference — are all about interaction.
“The embedded message is, ‘I see you, I hear you, I love you, You belong’. The message is, ‘We are connected’, so the separation inherent in going to bed is a lot easier to process.
“There’s high-level emotional availability of the parent, this deep sense of connection, before the biggest separation.”
“Often, children don’t want the bedtime routine to end. Create the idea there’s a beginning, middle, and end to the process,” says Wolfe.
She suggests a conversation around the practice of ‘two things, three things’.
This involves the parent asking the child for two things they ‘loved about today’, and three things they’re ‘looking forward to’ tomorrow.
She advises having such conversations an hour and a half before bedtime.
“On the way home from school, or during the family meal, have all devices switched off. Mirror and model this sharing for them — share a simple thing from your day that was hard or exciting. That way, they learn how to do it.
“If left too late, this kind of conversation starts to take over, delaying bedtime. And it’s sometimes used as a delaying tactic.”
“If a child falls asleep on the couch and is then transferred to bed, their brain will bank that they were on the couch — it’s more likely they’ll wake up.
“Similarly, if the child falls asleep in bed with their parent, they’re more likely to wake during the night looking for the parent, because the parent was there when they fell asleep,” says Hargaden.
She says this behaviour is “like a checking mechanism” — if they find everything the same, they’re more likely to stay asleep.
Use darkness to regulate their sleep circadian rhythm, says Wolfe.
If the overhead light is too bright, it can interfere with the promotion of melatonin.
“And melatonin sends the right messages to the brain and body — to start slowing down in preparation for sleep.”
“Avoid light coming into the bedroom. Use blackout blinds or curtains. The hall light on can delay getting to sleep and wake them earlier in the morning.”
Children of this age can have heightened fears, whether of the dark or being alone. A night light can be a solution.
“Have it somewhere discreet, out of the child’s eye-line, so the room isn’t pitch black and the child feels safe.”
While many parents use white noise through the night, she advises using it only as a noise buffer if you have older children in the house, or live in a noisy environment.
“Limit exposure to electronic media as much as possible during the day, most specifically in the hour or two before bedtime,” says Wolfe, because parents too often use these to initiate the wind-down.
“The child, sitting on the couch watching TV, gets relaxed. But it can cause a recharge. Melatonin production can be inhibited by TV-watching — there’s a false-restoring quality. The activity is stimulating as opposed to wind-down. And this applies not just to TV, but to electronic media in general.”
She urges parents to be mindful of how their child interacts with electronic devices and television, how it affects their brain. “It can lead to delayed sleep onset, interfere with sleep maintenance — staying asleep — and reduce quality of sleep.”
Consider what your child is eating throughout the day, rather than just at one point of the day, Hargaden says.
“Look particularly at sugar intake. Avoid sugar-laden foods, especially in the second half of the day. Ensure a wholefood-rich diet, as unprocessed as possible. And from 5pm on, feed them a good protein/carb balance.”
Sleep-supportive foods include oats — “some parents give porridge before bed” — banana, milk with its sleep-friendly amino acid tryptophan, seeds, and nut butters, especially almond.
“Kiwi is a lesser-known hero that supports sleep-onset and duration — offer kiwi mixed with yoghurt as dessert.”
Exposure to fresh air and green spaces is a good predictor of better and enough sleep, says Wolfe, pointing to the Canadian Movement Guidelines, which encourage three hours of movement daily for this age group — including at least one hour of outside activity and fresh air.
“This could include walking to the park, running around it, being on the scooter or trampoline. The child is burning off energy.”
If bedtime is a struggle with two- to five-year-olds, adjust the timing. Bedtime is often too early — if the child is still napping, this could be the case, says Hargaden.
“If they’re under-tired, they’re just not ready to go to bed. Between two and three years, six hours of wake time is often needed [after a nap].
“Or if they’re no longer napping, they probably need to go to bed earlier than the parent thinks. I’ve often put a non-napping child to bed at 6pm. Parents worry the child will wake up sooner — very often, they’ll have a more consolidated night’s sleep and sleep for longer.”
Parents are often confronted by sleep resistance — the child is too tired to go to sleep, or not tired enough.
“If they’re rubbing their eyes, yawning, getting agitated, or non-compliant, they’re over-tired. Try to get to them before this stage,” says Wolfe. This age group uses lots of stalling strategies.
“They’ll want another story, or ‘Can I have this or that?’ But if the bedtime routine is connected with a beginning, middle, and end, it’s easier to stop the stalling — the child feels they’ve been connected to you.”
According to a study, certain activities, such as reading, may be associated with less bedtime resistance and longer nighttime sleep duration in pre-schoolers.
Other research has found that media use during evening hours tends to be associated with increased parent-reported sleep problems in early childhood.
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