Aoife Hearne: The smallest worry puts my daughter off food — what can I do? 

Adorable little girl eating cereal with strawberries in white kitchen

My seven-year-old daughter’s appetite fluctuates. The smallest worry or upset can put her off food for days. I’ve noticed that she has started to look pale over the past few weeks. What can I do to encourage her to eat more?

It’s not unusual for children to go through different phases with their appetite. In fact, when they experience a growth spurt, it can seem like there is not enough food in the world to satisfy their appetite. 

At other times, parents can question how their children have enough energy to survive with how little they eat. If your daughter’s fluctuating appetite persists, however, it is wise to pay closer attention to what is happening, in addition to getting medical support.

Stress and anxiety can affect our eating behaviours. While we generally associate chronic stress with increased food intake and frequency of eating, acute stress can have the opposite effect.

Also, our appetite is tightly regulated by the brain and involves a variety of hormones and neurotransmitters, largely outside of our conscious control.

From my experience as a mother, I encourage you to explore any emotional upset and concern gently. Often, issues that seem very small to us as adults can have a big impact on children and, in turn, affect their appetite.

My children generally open up best during busy times, such as the car drive to or from school or bedtime. I would encourage you to seize these opportunities if they arise, or else find an appropriate time to chat about what is happening, so you can both understand the root cause.

From a nutritional viewpoint, it is worthwhile having an age-appropriate, honest conversation with your daughter about how important eating enough food is for energy levels. 

You could probe to see if her tastes have changed, if there are any foods that seem more appetising to her, or if she has any ideas as to why her appetite has changed. Think about approaching this collaboratively, with the two of you working together to find a solution that works.

Remember, as the parent, you are responsible for when, where, and what food is offered. Your daughter is in charge of how much she eats. We often blur these lines and, with the best will in the world, start to pressurise or bribe children in to eating more. The evidence suggests that this approach generally has the opposite effect.

Some practical things you can do are to provide meals and snacks in a structured way each day and ensure your child is aware of this structure. There should be times we eat and times we don’t eat. Children’s appetites are smaller than adults’, so even a small snack within an hour of a meal can put them off their meal entirely. Also, ensure that mealtimes are distraction-free. There should be no phones or tablets at the kitchen table, so you can create a calm environment at meal times.

Since you’ve noticed she looks pale and has had a low appetite for a while, it makes sense to check in with your GP’s clinic. They can assess her general health and check for issues such as low iron levels, which can cause paleness and tiredness. A CORU-registered dietitian can also provide personalised support.

• If you have a question for dietitian Aoife Hearne, please send it to [e-mail]