Julie Jay: The gown is on quicker than you can say ‘I forgot to do my bikini line’

“I really think you’re in labour,” Fred says, but I dismiss him quickly, because if Dr Quinn Medicine Woman taught me anything it is that men have contributed absolutely nothing to the canon of medical knowledge.

IT’S about midnight when the cramps hit. Fred has the audacity to sleep on as I nudge him awake intermittently.

“I’m not in labour,” I clarify to my semi-conscious husband. “But it’s definitely not far off.”