Joanna Fortune: Should I pay my kids to help out at home?

My children hate doing the smallest job and I have to ask them over and over to do something as simple as emptying the dishwasher

Tue, 03 Jan, 2023 - 02:00

Joanna Fortune

CHILD PSYCHOTHERAPIST

Should you pay children to do household chores? My children hate doing the smallest job and I have to ask them over and over to do something as simple as emptying the dishwasher. I want them to take some responsibility for keeping the house clean and tidy, but I wonder if it would be easier to pay them for each job. I'm tired of the nagging.

There should always be some chores children must do without being paid for them. If you want to tie their pocket money to chores, assign additional tasks you can pay them for doing.

You can start assigning chores from as young as two years old. At two to three years old, your child can carry their nappies to the bin or pick up their toys and put them into a toy box. By four to five years old, they can put away their toys, and carry laundry to the laundry basket. Moving on to six to seven years old, they can also fold towels, bring clean laundry to their bedroom and put it away neatly, and straighten the duvet on their bed after they get up. By eight to nine years old and beyond, they can take on increasing levels of responsibility such as setting or clearing the table, taking the bin out on bin collection day and bringing it back in when it is empty, some light dusting, and taking care of family pets.

But just because they can do all these chores doesn’t mean you assign all of them to your children. Pick two to three tasks that are developmentally appropriate for your child and stick with those, occasionally changing the chores you assign them.

Praise effort over outcome — do not get upset if they do not do these tasks as well as you might, and if your child is unwell or distracted by something else that is going on, modify your expectations accordingly and give them a pass.

If they persistently refuse to do their chores, you may need to offer an ‘if-then’ option: “If you do your chores now, then you get to have your screen time. If you do not do the chores, there is no screen time. Your choice.” If they do not do the chores after two prompts you simply say “thank you for letting me know you don’t want screen time today”.

You are seeking to make a change, so formalise it with a family meeting. Tell them you are changing how the family operates to make it a fairer and more respectful experience for everyone. Try making a list of the chores you want to be done each day or week. You assign one chore to each child, they get to pick one other chore so they feel they are an active part of the process. If they want to be paid, have an option that allows them to choose one or two €2 chores to add in each week. They only get paid if their assigned chores are done before the elected ones. Present your plan positively and be upbeat about how this is about working together.