Joanna Fortune: How do I talk to my nine-year-old daughter about periods?

It is beneficial to start these conversations as early as possible 

Joanna Fortune

CHILD PSYCHOTHERAPIST

I’d like to start a conversation with my nine-year-old daughter about periods and puberty in an age-appropriate way. What would you recommend?

I will always advocate openness and (developmentally appropriate) honesty when talking with children. 

It is helpful to keep conversations about bodies factual and use anatomically correct language to avoid confusion or ambivalence. 

It is also beneficial to start these conversations as early as possible and to grow the discussion in line with your child’s growth and development. This shouldn’t feel like one big conversation about periods and puberty at a particular age - you can start this conversation from toddlerhood upwards.

For example, if a young child asks what a tampon is or sees blood in the toilet bowl and asks what happened, you might say something like: “Women bleed a little from their vagina every month, and it's called a period. And the tampon catches the blood, so it doesn't go on to underwear." 

Give more information about the nature of this bleeding and extend the language you use to frame this in line with your child’s developmental capacity.

Before you start a conversation with your nine-year-old, consider what she already knows. This covers her conversations with you over the years, and what she may know from talking with friends or information she may have picked up from books and TV. 

Tell her that you would like to talk to her about bodies and how they change as we grow up. Ask if she has heard the word 'periods' or what it might mean. 

Be prepared for her to know more or less than you expected but use whatever she knows as your starting point. 

You can clarify any misinformation she might have gleaned and build your conversation from where she is at. 

By nine years old, you will be giving her more detail than before and starting to connect other discussions you may have had about how babies are made, sex, body boundaries, respect and consent with this talk about puberty and all that it involves.

Acknowledge that it might feel awkward or even embarrassing to talk about our bodies like this but there is nothing to feel embarrassed about and you want her to know that she can always bring her questions and experiences to you and that she need never feel ashamed. 

Check in with her after a few days and ask, now she has had time to think about your conversation, if she has any additional questions.

There are many books on puberty but only use one as a support and not something you leave her with to work out on her own. 

I like Bodies Are Cool by Tyler Feder and The Every Body by Rachel Simon, but you will find other great books on www.geniusjuniors.ie, including Usbourne’s What’s Happening to Me (girl). These books can help shape your conversation and be a resource for your daughter. 

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail].