Holding out for true love: How to navigate modern-day dating and avoid 'dating burnout'

Though the dating scene has never been more complex, Emily Crowley believes she will find the right match - it's just a matter of time

Emily Crowley: Don’t settle for less because you are too impatient to wait. Picture: Denis Minihane.

Much has changed in the dating scene in recent years. It’s a different beast now, for a few reasons.

Firstly, we are no longer living in a time where a potential suitor might amble up to you in a function room and ask you for a dance. We have even moved beyond the era of people approaching one another in bars, cafes or other social spots.

Secondly, we are living in a post-lockdown era, with even fewer real-life dating rules in place.

Thirdly, the dating scene exists in a world where the internet is relied on more than ever before. Dating apps and ‘sliding into DMs’ are a normal way to ignite a potential relationship, but the internet is also where many people’s expectations of love are shaped, whether that be from couples’ social media accounts, porn, AI deepfakes, or certain extreme agitators.

“Recent surveys revealed that one in four people do not see a problem with creating or sharing non-consensual intimate AI content, which is deeply concerning and possibly eroding trust,” says psychosexual and relationship therapist Aoife Drury.

Dr Aoife Drury, psychosexual and relationship therapist.

Couple all that’s happening with the fact it appears that all of the ‘good ones’ (you know the type, outgoing, humorous, and kind) are in stable, happy relationships, and it paints dating as less of a scene, and more of a minefield.

To put it into context, I asked a few single women in my phonebook if they could briefly sum up dating nowadays, and their responses included: “Stressful and next-to-impossible in this day and age”; “It’s a lot of effort”; and “single people are going back to basics, off the apps, meeting in person, but it feels forced with all the single nights and run clubs”.

Such negative experiences among singletons are leading to what has been coined ‘dating burnout’.

“Dating burnout isn’t a lack of desire for connection, it’s a reaction to systems that exhaust rather than nourish the relational self,” says Drury.

“So when people repeatedly feel rejected, overlooked, or devalued by dating platforms, it can feed into anxiety, lowered self-esteem, sadness, and disengagement from seeking new relationships.”

I understand that it can be disheartening to navigate the aforementioned minefield, not least because I don’t have that person to share life with, but also because I’m surrounded by family and friends who are in relationships, continuously feeling like I’m being left on the sidelines as a 30-year-old woman.

There are moments in life that just feel harder as a single person, such as getting a wedding invitation without a plus-one option — even if it’s not happening for another year, because there is a subconscious assumption that you’ll still be single when the big day comes. Then there’s the ordeal of attending a wedding, a big celebration of love, with no one beside you.

There are trivial things too, like when you’re having a bad day and things feel heavy, there’s no one who notices that, so you have to reach out for support.

And while single people may be encouraged to take some time to work on themselves, lead an independent life, and get to know themselves before they get to know a partner, what of the single person who has already done that self-work and is now ready to share their life with a significant other? Drury believes taking a step back can still be worthwhile.

Emily Crowley: If the person you are dating isn’t matching your effort, they aren’t trying hard enough. Picture: iStock

“If someone has done inner work and cultivated independence, stepping back can be a healthy, intentional strategy rather than avoidance,” she says. “When dating feels emotionally draining, withdrawal can provide space to restore emotional resources, reconnect with personal goals, and reassess relational priorities.

“It’s important to remember that relationship quality matters more than status in terms of how we feel about ourselves.”

Despite how disheartening it all may be, I hold a lot of hope for dating in 2026. I know love is out there because I see it so regularly in different places.

I see it in the city’s streets when a man holds hands with his partner, while carrying her handbag. I see it when my friend’s boyfriend meticulously organises her birthday weekend to make sure she celebrates with all her loved ones. I see it when my best friend bickers with his husband, each of them throwing their eyes to heaven, but smiling at each other with divilment after the fact.

I see it when my mum picks out the flouriest-looking potatoes from the pot for my dad, because he likes them best. I see it returned by my dad, who, when buying her flowers, will always include lilies because they are her favourite.

I see it in my group of girlfriends, how — even though I’m the only one without a partner — they make me feel so loved, and so seen, that I couldn’t ever possibly feel that I’m ‘going it alone’. And if there’s anything to be learned from life as a single person, it’s that it’s important to nurture those close, non-romantic relationships.

Dolly Alderton sums it up well in her book, Everything I Know About Love, when she writes: “Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from my long-term friendships with women.”

So while the search goes on for some of us this Valentine’s Day — a period where we’re made to feel pressured to have found a partner and live in a rose-hued bubble of relationship bliss — I’m not panicked, because some day, whenever it may be, there will be someone to carry my handbag and maybe even buy me lilies.

It will just take time to find them.

Emily’s advice for navigating modern-day dating:

• Don’t question or doubt your self-worth.
• If the person you are dating isn’t matching your effort, they aren’t trying hard enough.
• If you’re in the early stages of dating and asking all the questions and keeping the conversation alive, that’s not a partnership — that’s an interview.
• If someone you’re dating goes quiet for a few days and eventually comes back with the excuse that “work has been hectic” or “it’s just been a really busy week”, call them out for that. The right person will make an effort to speak to you — communication is the bare minimum.
• Don’t settle for less just because you are too impatient to wait for better.
• If you have single friends, and tell them, “It will happen when you least expect it” or, “Maybe you should stop looking, and love will find you”. Stop. It’s not helpful.