My breast cancer story: 'I remember walking out feeling like I had come out of a war zone'

Paula Guckian's first thought was of her two teenage daughters when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Post-treatment, she intends to stay well and looks forward to meeting her grandchildren one day

In March 2022, Paula Guckian found a lump under her right arm while in the shower. She was concerned enough to make an appointment with her GP, but on examination, she was reassured that there was nothing to worry about.

In March 2022, Paula Guckian found a lump under her right arm while in the shower. She was concerned enough to make an appointment with her GP, but on examination, she was reassured that there was nothing to worry about.

However, the lump didn’t go away, and she experienced further changes and eight months later spoke to the medic again, as not only was the lump still there, but her right breast had become quite hard.

“At this point, I was beginning to get a little worried and insisted that my doctor send me for a mammogram,” she says. “I got a referral for it and went to St James’s Hospital in Dublin on December 29 — but after I was examined, I was told that I should come back a week later, for a triple assessment. I was initially quite annoyed that I had driven all the way there for the appointment, but my confidence began to crumble.”

On her return to the hospital, she underwent a biopsy. “I was lying on the bed with the tears flowing. The team were so compassionate and caring, but it was awful.

“I remember walking out to my husband, feeling like I had come out of a war zone.”

When the mother of two teenage girls got the results at a follow-up meeting, her worst fears were confirmed.

“I knew the minute a breast care nurse came into the room where I was meeting the consultant that I had cancer,” she says. “I was told that I had an invasive ductal carcinoma and I would need chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and a mastectomy.

“It was so hard to take in. I cried, but my thoughts were all about my girls, Robyn and Lottie. Also, as I run an early years after-school care, I was worried about how I would keep the business going. I wasn’t thinking of myself or what I would go through at all.

“Strangely, I was more concerned about losing my long hair, which was my identity, than my breast at that point — I guess you just don’t think straight when you hear news like that. It was all about the fact that I had no control over anything that was happening to me.”

She started a 12-week programme of chemotherapy, followed by the mastectomy, which suddenly became a reality when she was facing surgery.

“In the week leading up to surgery, I didn’t want to do it and went to a very bad place. But I got to the hospital, and when I was lying on the bed, waiting to go in, I just couldn’t stop crying.

“The anaesthetist, who was a lovely man, came and sat on the bed and told me that I had to try and relax and be calm for the operation.

“Then my surgeon came and said, ‘You’re going to go into surgery and you will come out of it without your breast, but you will also come out without cancer’. This really helped to calm me down.

“However, on the way to the theatre I broke down again, crying silently on the trolley, so much that one of the beautiful nurses said she was going to start herself.

“When I got in there, I remember saying to the team that my head knew that I had to do this, but my heart still hadn’t caught up.”

She worried whether she could muster the courage to look at herself post-surgery: “But when I came around, [my chest] was exposed, and this was the best thing they could have done for me. There was a long, thin scar, and my breast was gone, but the build-up was definitely scarier than the reality.”

Following the operation, she had a period of recovery and then, in September 2023, began radiotherapy, followed by immunotherapy. Almost a year after finishing treatment, she had breast reconstruction and says she is now finally beginning to feel like herself.

“Before having reconstruction, every time I looked in the mirror, I was reminded of my cancer,” she says. “Once I had it done, I said that was it, I was not having any more surgery. I told myself that I was not going to get sick again, and I would live to see my grandchildren — so I’m manifesting that and closing the chapter.

“Now I finally feel like I’m almost back to myself. In the past month or so, I can feel my energy coming back, and apart from menopause [induced by surgery], I am doing well. I had so much support from everyone throughout my journey — family, friends, and healthcare.”

She wants to raise awareness of the importance of checking for “irregularities in the breast and armpit”, seeking medical advice immediately and if not happy with the first diagnosis, keep pushing for a mammogram or get a second opinion.

“Any woman who presents with a lump, regardless of whether or not she fits into the at-risk bracket, should have a mammogram. I know people will say that it’s not financially viable to provide this, but if I had been scanned earlier, I might have just needed a lumpectomy and this would undoubtedly have cost less. We are all the best assessors of our own bodies, we know ourselves best.”

Guckian is supporting the work of Breast Cancer Ireland by taking part in the Very Pink Run on September 6 in Leopardstown, Co Dublin: “I won’t be running, but will be walking with my very tight group of gorgeous women who stuck by me throughout — and would encourage others to consider taking part as well.”

The 45-year-old Leitrim woman is back on her feet again, but says that, along with being aware of changes to their bodies, if someone is diagnosed with cancer, they should accept all support offered and give themselves over to the excellent care on offer.

“I wish I could go back and just give myself a hug and say that it’s going to be OK,” she says. “You think that you will never be alright again and will never be the person you were before. But although life will change and you will be different, you will be stronger.”

Aisling Hurley, CEO of Breast Cancer Ireland, says raising awareness about breast cancer is crucial.

“I strongly believe that research and awareness are what will lead to zero deaths from breast cancer,” she says. “A breast cancer diagnosis doesn’t bear thinking about, but in Breast Cancer Ireland, it’s all we think about. We need to make sure we’re supercharging the right research and increasing the research output.”

Speaking about the Very Pink Run, Hurley says everyone who takes part will make a difference: “Every Very Pink T-shirt worn and every step taken brings us one step closer to our goal of making this a treatable illness for all, and to powering a future entirely free from breast cancer.”

Breast cancer numbers

One in seven women will develop breast cancer in the course of their lifetime.

One in 738 men will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Every 29 seconds, someone in the world is diagnosed with breast cancer.

3,700 new cases of breast cancer are diagnosed in Ireland each year.

23% of women are diagnosed between the ages of 20 to 50 years.

34% of women are diagnosed between the ages of 50 to 69 years.

36% of women are diagnosed over the age of 70 years.

Only 5% to 10% of breast cancer cases are hereditary.

• To join up for the Very Pink Run, register at verypinkrun.ie — participants can run, jog, or even stroll with friends, family, community, or on their own.
• The Dublin event on Saturday, September 6, starts at Leopardstown Racecourse, at 12pm.
• In Cork, the event starts at 12 noon, on Sunday, September 7, at Munster Technological University, Bishopstown, Cork.
• The Kilkenny event takes place at 12 noon on Sunday, September 14, at Castle Park.
• For more information, visit breastcancerireland.com