Comedian Emma Doran: I try to look at food like it's fuel

Emma Doran: "I would have chocolate every day".

Comedian Emma Doran is keen for more open discussions about women health, particularly when it comes to vaginal health.

The Dubliner says it’s just as important to take care of our heart, lungs or brain as it is to take care of our vaginal health.

“I didn’t know until recently, for example, that the vagina has its own microbiome,” she says.

Thrush, among other common conditions, can be caused by unbalanced microbiome, with symptoms such as itching, discharge, and odour. 

“We’ve come a long way in terms of having open discussions about issues affecting women, but I do think that vaginal health is the last taboo we need to shatter.” 

Do you have a morning routine?

It's usually pretty much dictated by my children, so I have to get them up, ready for school. I feel like I'm winning if I'm showered, leaving the house with them to go bring the dogs for a walk. If I managed to do that, I'm like: “I'm amazing.” A lot of the time, once they've headed off to school, I’m thinking: “Right, let's have a little relax now.”

On Mondays, I do my Keep it Tight podcast with Deirdre O’Kane. Other mornings, I usually try and go to a gym class. Weekend mornings are completely different.

What is one thing you do every day?

Leaving my water bottle. I have a water bottle but I’m constantly leaving it at places or forgetting it. That’s probably the one consistent every day: "Have I brought the water bottle? Is the water bottle filled? Where did I leave it today?” It’s such an ongoing thing. Knocking the water bottle over as well. It’s taken up far too much time of my life, just trying to stay hydrated.

What are your healthiest eating habits?

I think my healthiest eating habit is eating because I do try to look at food like its fuel. When I was early 20s, I was getting the bus to go to college. I would have started off the day with numerous cigarettes, like basically smoked until the bus came. I would have gotten a cappuccino, a bottle of coke and a chocolate muffin — like double chocolate. Then, I would have stomach cramps and I’d be: “I think I have IBS. What’s going on?”

As I’ve matured, I’ve had much more awareness around [the fact that] what I eat is fuel for my body and it will affect me. I don’t look at calories or stuff like that. I’m proud of myself that I’ve reached that point in my life.

What are your guiltiest pleasures?

I would have chocolate every day. I feel like I eat in moderation [with] certain things. It’s the things that I can’t eat in moderation. Like pasta, if I’m really enjoying it, I will eat beyond the point of being full. Jellies [too]. There's certain things that I can eat, and there's some sort of delayed messaging going on that I won't know I've eaten too much until I'm like “Oh god, I have to lie down.” 

What keeps you awake at night?

I fall asleep quite quickly. I don’t have any problems falling asleep because I’m always thinking: “Tomorrow is another day”. But I do have a habit of waking up earlier than I have to. I think it’s just from gigs. You’re slightly wired and your sleep routine is never the same. I think what it is is the advice that you should really try and go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time for the healthiest sleep. That’s just not really an option. The thing that helps me fall asleep now, actually, is I treated myself do an electric blanket. I love sleep. I love naps.

How do you relax?

I just stare into the abyss. It’s probably like TV or what I would like to do sometimes is I'll remove myself from the sitting room where it's all activity. I’ll go and [have a] shower that involves everything — everything that I can file, I will file or pluck or remove. [Something] that will actually make me relax is organising my stuff. I know that probably sounds stupid. Then, it’s just sitting down and doing absolutely nothing, scrolling on my phone. I know it’s probably not good for you but I’d be a big fan of it now.

What’s your dream meal?  

It would probably involve a good bit of seafood. If your appetite isn’t a factor, I’d start off with prawns. Then, I’d like a turf and surf, and I would like my grandma Nancy’s cheese cake.

What is your biggest fear?

The thing I would panic about would be things like 'I didn’t realise my kids are off at 12 today and I’ve nobody to collect them'. I don’t really think of longterm big fears. My mind just can’t function like that. A constant one is 'have I left the hair straightener on?'. If I left my hair straightener on and it caused the fire, I would take that secret to the grave. I could not admit to my fella it was my fault, because he's constantly picking up after me, telling me I've left this, that or the other on.

What is your favourite smell?

I think what has to be is going out for a walk somewhere up the mountains, really peaceful, and just smelling that air is probably my favorite smell.

When was the last time you cried?

I actually can’t remember. I’m probably due a good cry. I feel like there’s one coming. I think this time of year a cry doesn’t do you any harm. It could be this week.

What is your earliest memory?

I had a rabbit called Snowy, who we didn't buy. Somebody just found him on the road. The story was that people had moved out and just left at that rabbit behind. This was the style at the time. Nobody bought pets. I loved him. I was mad about him. I was the youngest and I could kind of hang out with him. He was in a makeshift enclosure. I begged my mother to put me in with him. And she said okay and she put me in with him. And then I screamed to get me out.

What traits do you least like in others?

The thing that probably annoys me the most is disingenuous. If someone is a bit of a wagon or whatever, if that's who they are, I'm fine. But if I feel like someone is a wagon and they're trying to convince me otherwise, that really winds me up. If I just feel like they're not authentic, that's probably my biggest thing.

What traits do you least like about yourself?

I'm constantly losing things. I forget dates. I wish I was the person that put birthday cards in the post and stuff. I'm not great on presents. Chances are I'm going to get you something awful. I can slag a little too hard sometimes, but it is just my way of trying to show love. So yeah, my lack of capability to communicate love, maybe.

What was your most embarrassing moment?

Taking stand-up out of it, because there is just so many. It’s horrific. The one that sticks clearly in my head is, I was in college. I was a single parent at the time so college was really a place where I could go and pretend I was just like everyone else. 

I was starting to find my place in the year. I would have set off very quiet and then I started cracking jokes. I was making a joke in class while I was eating an apple. I started choking on the apple, like I’m laughing at my own joke. 

I go to stand outside because I’m like 'this is so bad'. The lecturer opened the door and just as he opened the door, there was a bit of reflux with the bit of apple. It was the most gigantic belch you’ve ever heard in your life. The way the ceiling was in this particular building, it really echoed. I was mortified.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?

This stresses me out because the idea of having to have a dinner party … Can we do it in a restaurant? I think maybe [I would bring] Madonna because we’ve seen so many different versions of Madonna. I’d love to see what she’s actually like. Caroline Aherne, who is dead, but I’d love to have her in the dinner party. Katie Price, I’d like to see what she’s about. Now, there is a danger there, would I get a word in edgeways but I’ll bring her along as well. And Deirdre O’Kane.

Where is your favourite place in the world?

My house. I just love getting home.

What’s something nobody knows about you?

I don't drink coffee. I've given up on the coffee. [It] just doesn't agree with me. Every time I had a cappuccino, I was in constant fear of 'where’s the toilet'. I think it’s just social pressure, because everyone's like 'Let's get a coffee'.

• Emma Doran is working with PrecisionBiotics Women’s Flora, which is specially designed for women seeking to maintain a healthy balance of yeast and bacteria in their intimate area.