Second spring: Embracing the change that comes with menopause

The hormonal shifts that come with midlife can bring challenges and, for some, opportunities. We talk with five women who who turned their lives around

Fri, 18 Oct, 2024 - 02:00

Deirdre McArdle

THE Japanese describe menopause as ‘konenki’. It means renewal and energy. Some women are embracing this positive approach to what is often a challenging transition.

Perimenopause and menopause can be a difficult and confusing time in a woman’s life. The full breadth of symptoms attributed to fluctuating hormone levels is staggering for some, going well beyond the headline symptoms of hot flushes.

For Dubliner Amanda Delaney, the first perimenopause symptom she noticed was a feeling of constriction around her throat. “It felt like someone had their hands around my throat and was strangling me.”

At the time, she was 45 and running a successful business: “I ran a mentoring, networking business, helping other businesses to manage their sales and marketing. Life was amazing. But then the strangulation feeling started, I was crying all the time, I didn’t want to see anyone, and that was completely not me at all. It got to the point where I shut down my business: All I wanted to do was go for hikes and clean my house.”

This flat feeling didn’t go away, and Delaney says she regularly looked in the mirror and thought, “Is this the new me?”.

At the 2023 Menopause Summit in Dublin, she had a eureka moment: “I was listening to the women at the summit and it just hit me. I was ticking every box for perimenopause. And that’s when it all changed.”

She went straight to her GP and asked to be put on HRT. Within seven days, she said her symptoms had eased: “It was like night and day. I got my oomph back. I looked in the mirror and thought, ‘I’m back’.”

Gaining control of her symptoms gave her a new lease on life: “I made it my mission to find a solution, and when I did, it gave me my mojo back. I’d heard people talking about the ‘menopause opportunity,’ and now I’m living that. It’s amazing what this stage of your life teaches you about yourself. It’s shown me how resilient I am, and I’m grateful. I took my energy and my confidence for granted before menopause, and I won’t do that again.”

Author of All You Need to Know about Menopause, Catherine O’Keeffe, wasn’t always a voice for raising awareness of women’s health in Ireland. Before entering perimenopause, she worked for 20 years in investment banking, but the confidence she felt during this time was shattered by extreme anxiety and brain fog when perimenopause hit.

“The feelings frightened me, and I remember thinking ‘When will this end?’. It was like an earthquake hit my life,” she said.

O’Keeffe says she approached menopause with a curious and positive mindset: “I was eager to learn all I could to support myself during this stage of my life. And I put all that knowledge in my book so other women could benefit from it.”

Now that she has control over her symptoms, she sees menopause as a gift: “Menopause is all about change, and I embraced that. I realised I wanted to do something different and help other women, and that’s what I’m doing.”

The pause in menopause

Galway-based Yvonne McEvaddy first realised she was experiencing perimenopause symptoms one night in 2020 when she was going to bed and “started crying for no reason”: “I remembered my older sister telling me about some of her perimenopause symptoms and I thought ‘This must be it’”.

As a wellness practitioner, McEvaddy immediately turned to her knowledge of complementary medicine to manage her symptoms: “I leaned into my expertise and training, and sought out the different supplements that would alleviate my symptoms. And gradually, I got control of all my different symptoms.”

One piece of advice that resonated with McEvaddy came from her sister: “She said the clue is in the name meno…pause. She told me to hit the pause button when things felt like they were too much. Take a break and sit down with a cup of tea, and rest. Feeling I had control over my symptoms gave me confidence, and by focusing on my health and fitness, I knew I was taking care of myself, and that’s so important.”

Developing healthy habits during and after perimenopause is well documented as a way for women to manage their wellbeing.

Knowledge is critical, which is why initiatives like menopause hubs and cafés springing up around the country are so important.

“We learn from each other and share our stories and that gives us the confidence to make changes and know that we’re not alone,” says McEvaddy.

Embracing the new chapter

Ruth McKenna, aged 46, is learning to embrace this time of her life. The Waterford native is in “the throes of perimenopause” but is finding new joys and opportunities: “My partner and I couldn’t have kids, and in many ways this stage feels like something I’ve been waiting for, a new freedom from the ‘what ifs’.

“Life is all about change, and the way I see it, this is just one more change. Experiencing perimenopause has changed the way I approach life; I no longer care what people think, and I have a new-found confidence. It feels liberating.”

McKenna has turned her attention inwards, focusing on herself more and doing things she wants, like spending Christmas in a cottage in Wicklow with her husband. She’s also doing strength training, taking supplements and started on HRT: “I’m moving through the process; we can’t do anything to stop menopause, but we can experience it and see what it holds for us. So far, I’ve found there are lessons and wisdom in it.”

At the peak of her career as a marketing executive, Loretta Dignam “was knocked sideways” by menopause symptoms, although she didn’t know at the time that was what she was experiencing. A barrage of tests for headaches, dry eyes, persistent UTIs, digestion issues and fatigue revealed nothing, but years later, Dignam realised the symptoms were all related to perimenopause: “I wasted years of my life trying to figure out what was wrong with me and years more being afraid of going on HRT.”

Once she went on HRT, within three months, her symptoms were under control and she felt like herself. She also knew what she wanted to do with her life: “I set up the Menopause Hub in Dublin in 2020, the first in Ireland, and we’ve since opened a second one in Dublin and one in Cork.

“I looked at my life and thought, 'How do I want to live the next 20 or 30 years?’. I had a lot more energy and a lot of freedom and I was able to make a big shift in my life. I would never have taken that risk before. Of course, menopause can be overwhelming, but once you have your symptoms under control, it can also be a wonderful time. I like to think that all the work we’re doing now means that the next generation of women will be forearmed and prepared about menopause.”

New research shows how menopause affects the brain, from memory to mood