Former footballer Clare Shine: 'It’s only when people retire that they talk about their struggles'

The 27-year-old from Douglas says she hopes opening up about the struggles she experienced at the height of her sporting career will help others

Clare Shine: 'When I was going through that struggle.. I couldn’t relate to anyone who was in professional football'

Whenever she feels alone or under stress, former international soccer star Clare Shine goes to her bedroom and retrieves a copy of her memoir Scoring Goals in the Dark. Spending time with the book, published a year ago this month, reminds the 27-year-old from Douglas in Cork of the extraordinary journey she has taken by speaking about her mental health.

“If I’m having a hard day, I’ll pick it up. If I’m having a tough time, it brings me back to earth a little bit,” says Shine, who will be participating in this year’s Pieta Darkness Into Light campaign to help raise awareness around mental health.

Scoring Goals in the Dark by Clare Shine with Gareth Maher. Published by Pitch Publishing

Scoring Goals In The Dark is a raw and unflinching account of Shine’s issues with depression and addiction. Despite her talents on the soccer pitch, off it, she has struggled with her mental health since adolescence.

Those challenges have included two suicide attempts and a long battle with addiction. She put heart and soul into telling her story – and in the 12 months since its publication has been stunned at how widely its message has resonated.

“It’s been incredible,” she says. “It was completely out of my comfort zone. I used to journal - that was just for me. It’s now out for the whole world to read. It did bring anxiety, wondering what people were going to think. I’m glad I’ve had a lot of positive feedback. Hopefully, I’ve helped people along the way – that’s the main aim.” 

Shine seemed to be living every soccer player's dream when she was selected for the Republic of Ireland in 2015. In that same year, she signed with Glasgow FC, with whom she went on to play in the Champions League.

Behind the scenes, though, she was battling injury and depression. Her demons included alcohol, too. After one bender, she went missing and, after a 10-hour search, was found in a park. She ended up in a secure facility in a Glasgow hospital, needing emergency treatment after deliberately overdosing.

Clare Shine during the UEFA Women's 2021 European Championships Qualifier match between Montenegro and Republic of Ireland at Pod Malim Brdom in Petrovac, Montenegro. Picture: Stephen McCarthy/Sportsfile

“When I was going through that struggle, I had no one to really turn to. I couldn’t relate to anyone who was in professional football. It feels that it’s only when people retire that they talk about their struggles. There is that fear of judgement when you’re going through that process.” 

There is nowadays a far greater understanding that elite athletes can be as vulnerable as anyone else, she says. But it’s a journey, and sport and society are only part of the way there.

“Are you going to play because you are going through this? It stigmatises you. It puts you in a category of being 'unfit'. To bring this book out and show people that you can play through these issues, that there is a light… that was the main goal. 

"I’m glad that people reached out to me and let them know that my book helped them through certain periods.” 

Her advice to young women struggling with their mental health is to talk to people they can trust.

“Reaching out and taking that step,” she says. 

"When I was starting out, I found it very hard to talk about. It took a long time to talk about it. Once it did, the weight lifted off my shoulders. 

If you can’t talk about it – write it down and give a note to someone you can trust. 

It opens the door to a lot of support networks.” 

She retired from soccer last year but still loves the sport. If anything, stepping away has rekindled her enthusiasm and she looks forward to going to Australia this summer to cheer the Ireland women’s team at the World Cup.

Clare Shine, with her mother Fiona Nugent

“I feel a lot closer to the game than when I was playing. With the pressures and expectations, I didn’t appreciate what I’d achieved as much as I do now. I needed to take that step away and be a fan for once. Which has been really enjoyable. I’m taking each day as it comes and exploring life away from football.” 

Clare and her mum Fiona are taking part in Darkness Into Light in Cork. Darkness Into Light helps raise vital funds and enables Pieta to continue providing free-of-charge suicide prevention, intervention and bereavement support to people of all ages across Ireland. To sign up for this year’s event which takes place on Saturday, May 6. visit darknessintolight.ie