The six blockers to blame when it comes to failing to lose the pounds post 40
An older woman doing yoga stock generic
But if you’re a woman over 40, you might want to hear what Gabrielle O’Hare has to say. Author of the new book she pulls no punches about saying most diets fail.
The 51-year-old, who retrained as a personal trainer during Covid, says this is because the majority of diets provide us with a list of do’s and don’ts, while ignoring the reasons that cause us to give up before we get results.
“It’s a lot of telling you what you should do, but never acknowledging why dieting is so damn hard! My book is about helping women understand why they find it so difficult.”
Over the years, O’Hare herself struggled with weight and with powerful food cravings and, in her 40s, experienced regular injuries that stopped her making progress with fitness. Becoming a personal trainer – while a long-held ambition – was also about getting answers to why losing weight is so difficult for midlife women.
When gyms finally reopened post-lockdown, O’Hare had clients beating a path to her garden gym – most were women unhappy with their weight but unable to stick to a diet.
“Many were self-conscious about going to a regular gym. They didn’t want to work out with a young fit man. They were going through menopause, they didn’t have the same energy. They didn’t want to be made to pump and be out of breath.”
These were intelligent women, says O’Hare, who “knew about calories, exercise and what they should be eating” – but she spotted a common theme.
“They blamed themselves. They said ‘oh, I’m lazy, I’ve got no willpower, no motivation’. They thought they were failures.” Listening to the women, O’Hare noticed another common pattern – the same six blockers were getting in the way of all her clients.
First up was self-neglect.
“Women’s roles get very complicated as they get older. Their lives get so busy,” she says, pointing out that very often women aren’t just mums and wives, they’re also daughters to ageing parents, workers, perhaps bosses and maybe community/volunteer workers.
“Women like to feel busy and needed, being able to say they’re multi-taskers. It’s part of our identity.”
The upshot is women put themselves on hold.
“They take short-cuts with their diet. They grab food on the go. They run their children to afterschool clubs – and are too tired to do their own workout.”
Another key blocker is stress. O’Hare says it isn’t just the sheer volume of tasks that’s the problem – it’s also the constant pressure of having these tasks on our mind. Stress impacts weight because elevated stress hormones affect the way we store fat.
“Most people think body fat is related to how much we eat, but it’s not that simple. Stress releases a hormone called cortisol. Constant stress elevates cortisol levels – known to increase abdominal fat,” explains O’Hare, who says her book is backed up by science.
Another issue with chronic stress is its link to poor sleep.
“If we engage in cortisol-stimulating activities – scrolling on our phones, working until late – we don’t wind down and can’t drop off. Even after one bad night, we’re more likely to overeat, make poorer food choices and rely on sugar and caffeine to keep us going.”
It’s no surprise to hear that menopause is a major blocker too. O’Hare highlights two reasons why.
“Ovaries stop producing oestrogen, but we still need it. One thing that can give us some oestrogen is fat, so the body creates more fat – so there’s this new little oestrogen source.”
Adrenal glands also start producing oestrogen, though their primary role is to produce stress hormones.
“Chronic stress plays havoc with this process,” explains O’Hare.
“It forces the adrenals to default to their primary function of producing stress hormones, thus ceasing oestrogen production. To compensate for the shortfall, we lay down even more abdominal fat.”
Also working against us is that – from around age 30 – we lose five percent of muscle mass each decade. But, points out O’Hare, muscle’s active tissue that burns calories – the more muscle we have, the more calories it burns.
“For several years after menopause, we lose muscle at a faster rate than at any other time of life,” she warns, adding that if we allow muscle waste to happen but eat the same amount, or don’t do muscle-protective exercise, middle-age spread’s inevitable.
The fourth blocker O’Hare notices is: an unhealthy and complicated relationship with food.
“Then they go on a diet and try to cut out certain things. But they still have the same hectic lifestyle, the same reliance on food to prop them up.
"So they’ll be running to the kitchen, grabbing a cup of tea and more biscuits than they should.”
Sabotage, which O’Hare defines as “pressure and resistance from others when we try to eat better”, is another prime blocker.
“People in your life interfere with how you eat and make you eat the way they do.”
Cue the kids who want pizza for dinner (you give in), your other half pulling out packs of crisps while you’re watching Netflix (oh, why not?) and your mum’s homemade cake (how could I say no?).
And finally, there’s the daily bombardment of advertising messages for ultra-processed foods, a significant proportion of which come from fast food outlets, food delivery services, soft drinks, confectionery and processed food manufacturers.
“We’re exposed to many times more adverts for ultra-processed foods than for natural foods like fruit and vegetables, dairy products, meat, fish,” says O’Hare, who worked in advertising agencies for over 25 years.
So what can we do? How can we beat the blockers? A mind-set change has to happen first, says O’Hare.
Many of the women she meets, whose children are getting older, find they’ve a bit more time freeing up for them – or they’ve had health problems.
“They suddenly realise their health is really important. The penny drops and they see they have to make themselves a priority.”
Many women spend much of their life on diets, says O’Hare, who sees society “almost telling us we have to lose weight, showing images of women who look 40 when they’re 60.”
But the key is to find a bigger goal than just weight-loss.
“Something that really means something to you and will motivate you.”
She has seen clients realise they don’t just want to be ‘not overweight’, they don’t want killer physiques.
“They just want to regain control of their bodies, feel confident in their skin, have more energy. They start to realise these things are more life-changing than dropping a dress size.”
O’Hare’s own goal? To stay active and strong so she can go on adventures with her partner when her now 15-year-old daughter grows up.
Right now, she spends weekends paddle-boarding, or training on her bike, for a cycling adventure in the Alps next summer.
- Why Women Over 40 Can’t Lose Weight, in Kindle format (£3.99 or free via Kindle Unlimited) on Amazon.
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