As Joanne McNally recounts getting her period onstage, we ask why are we still so ashamed of our periods?

Activists and well-known faces chat to Nicole Glennon about the power of embracing our periods

Mon, 24 Oct, 2022 - 11:15

Nicole Glennon

On the latest episode of one of Ireland’s top podcasts, My Therapist Ghosted Me, comedian Joanne McNally recounts the moment when a fan stopped a recent gig in Belfast’s SSE arena.

A sharp intake of breath is heard from co-host Vogue Williams as the Dublin comic reveals what the fan said to her side-stage.

“Joanne, you’ve got your period.”

“NO!” Williams shrieks in response.

The pair, who then delve into a conversation about menstruation huts, might seem like they’re living in a different world to the rest of us at times, but on this point, every Irish woman could relate.

Most of us have experienced getting up from a chair on our period, and becoming hot with panic and shame as we get the feeling.

Joanne McNally: “I was on stage dazed, confused, full of shame." Picture: Miki Barlok

When I asked some of Ireland’s best-known female faces about their periods, memories of period leaks were recalled with a wince.

“I can’t think as a girl of a more embarrassing thing than to stand up in class and have a patch of blood on your backside,” teacher and RTÉ television presenter Emer O’Neill summarised succinctly.

Many would assume that in 2022, Ireland’s relationship with periods and period blood would have come on drastically since the experiences of our mothers and grandmothers, but the stigma and shame attached to our periods has not gone away.

A Plan International study of 1,100 young Irish women aged 12-19 found that more than half (55%) felt embarrassed by their period.

In my own circle of friends, many of whom are in their mid-twenties, stories about period leaks in beds with partners are whispered with red faces, while the topic of ‘period sex’ is about as taboo as ketchup and spicebags.

But why, in 2022, is the sight of, or conversation about, period blood still such a source of shame?

Of course, just like we all differ when it comes to our experiences of periods and the menstrual cycle itself, not all of us feel ashamed or embarrassed when it comes to talking about periods or experiencing something like a “leak” – but for many, it still feels like there is a stigma attached, and this stigma can have wide-reaching consequences, from us not speaking up when it comes to painful periods, to issues like period poverty remaining ‘hidden’.

Last year, the Department of Health and the Department of Children, Equality, Disability, Integration, and Youth launched a report which examined the prevalence of period poverty in Ireland.

The report acknowledged there was a stigma associated with periods and wider reproductive health, and a number of recommendations to address stigma were suggested.

Dr Monica Peres Oikeh: "Speaking about periods, the menstrual cycle, and sexual health on social media has really helped me. It’s become so much easier."

Cork-based Dr Monica Peres Oikeh is one of many trying to eradicate the stigma associated with talking about our period, and has frequently provided informative information around the topic on her TikTok and Instagram pages.

But the young Nigerian doctor admits she herself struggled with feeling awkward and embarrassed when she began working as a GP and sharing menstrual-related content online.

“Speaking from my own experience, I never called my period a period when I was younger. I used to call mine Aunty Jane.

"It wasn’t until I was in college I started [using the correct terminology], and even then, I would still shy away from it,” she says.

Speaking about periods, the menstrual cycle, and sexual health on social media has really helped me.

"It’s become so much easier."

Within her practice, Dr Oikeh says there’s a lot of blushing and euphemisms when it comes to talking about periods. When it comes to younger patients, she finds the parent or guardian with the young person can make a big difference.

“If the parent is comfortable talking about it, their child is comfortable talking about it.

"If the parent is a bit uneasy, then it reflects on the child as well.”

Dublin-based menstrual coach, Lisa de Jong, says shame can actually play an active role in causing physical suffering, as it can contribute to trauma, “and trauma creates inflammation in the body".

"That contributes to suffering, mental and physical.

“And what shame does in the collective is, if women feel ashamed, they don’t ask for help. They can’t advocate for themselves, they’re denied support.”

For de Jong, eradicating shame and stigma is paramount to “healing” women’s relationships with their period and menstrual cycle — which will pave the way for more discussions and education around our cycles, which can have benefits for our health.

Charlotte Amrouche, founder of Míosta, a project which aims to educate and empower people with periods, says there is work going on “in every corner of the world” to try eradicate the shame associated with periods.

Charlotte, who is in her early 30s, says she doesn’t remember receiving any education around her period during her schooldays in Clonakilty — though she knows this isn’t the case for many young people today, thankfully — and became interested in the subject of menstrual education, and eradicating the stigma attached to talking about your period while in university.

“That was 2015,” she says, the same year that Kiran Gandhi, a Los Angeles-based runner, ran the London Marathon while on her period, purposely forgoing pads, tampons or any other so-called ‘feminine hygiene products’.

Her aim was to encourage women not to feel embarrassed about their period, and it had a big impact on Charlotte and many others.

Charlotte went on to do a master’s in gender studies, writing a thesis on menstrual activism in Ireland, and later founding Míosta, which facilitates workshops in universities.

“I think it’s a conversation we should all be having,” she says, adding that men have also attended, and are encouraged to attend, workshops.

“In our workshops, we give people a chance to talk about their experiences of periods, to share questions they’ve had over the years.

"It’s all about unpacking that shame and empowering people. What I’ve found is that people are desperate to talk,” she says.

And by speaking about our periods more comfortably, it means you can advocate for yourself.

“It means you can go to the doctor and talk about what symptoms you might be having, it can help you get that diagnosis quicker, being comfortable with it just opens so many options.

“It means you can have an actual discussion with a friend about what period product you should use, because there are lots of options out there.

“There’s so much power in getting to know our cycles, getting to know our periods, and being comfortable talking about it.”

For something that happens to most of us 12 – 13 times a year over three to four decades of our lives — shouldn’t we strive to feel more comfortable talking about our periods?

For brevity, I have used the term women throughout this piece, but some people may experience periods who do not identify as a woman, such as non-binary individuals or transgender men.

OUR STORIES

Sonya Lennon

I don’t remember my first period. I don’t think there was any kind of emotional endowment with it. There was a sense of openness in my house growing up, that was definitely unusual. There was a strong sense that nothing was taboo and my mum definitely talked to me [about my period].

But despite my mum’s openness, there was still a great sense of secrecy. And that feeds into taboos and embarrassment and shame.

There has always been openness in my house around periods, with both my son and daughter. The other great sort of salvo is humor. I know that my spatial reasoning gets a bit out of whack just before my period, things get dropped and broken, and for my daughter as well. So that’s become a kind of a comedy trope in our house. If somebody drops something, it’s ‘are you expecting your period?’, regardless of gender.

I think we’re taking the word period out of the shadows now a little bit which is very helpful. There is a greater understanding of the menstrual cycle and myself and my daughter both track our cycles on an app. Having that information is empowering. I think once this conversation starts, then the discomfort around it recedes a little bit.

And women’s experiences are so varied, I think the idea that there are multiple normals is really important. And if you don’t know what the parameters of normal are, it’s very hard to map your own menstrual health, and a lot of women are suffering. And, the reality is, if men menstruated we would likely be in a very different situation.

Sonya Lennon, 53, is a stylist, presenter, and co-founder of fashion brand Lennon Courtney.

Tara Kumar

I got my first period on Christmas day, when I was 10 or 11. I remember waking up in the morning going to the bathroom, looking down and going ‘oh my god, I’m dying.’ I don’t think I knew about it beforehand because I was so young.

My mum wasn’t very conventional. She didn’t use period products, she was quite old school and would use toilet paper, so we had no period products in the house. When the shops opened again, she took me to the shop and bought me pads. I bought the biggest ones because I was terrified.

There were many times in school that I got blood on my dress and would run to the toilet and be absolutely mortified. Now, I’d be like ‘ah fuck it whatever,’ but then it was like ‘my life is over’!

I’ve always had an extremely heavy flow. And as I’ve gotten older, my period pains have gotten worse and have become debilitating. There have been times I’ve been in excruciating pain, and no painkillers are enough.

I was in Copenhagen recently, doing activities with a group of people each day. For the first three days I had to come home at 6pm because I was on my period and in so much pain. I told them why I was going home straight out. I said ‘listen I have this really awful pain with my period..’

I didn’t feel ashamed to tell the group, and the group ended up talking to me about their periods. One of them has the same thing. Another one’s mum went through the same thing. I think it’s important to talk about because you can feel quite lonely sometimes, but the thing is, there’s so many women that go through the exact same thing.

I like talking about it openly because my period is something that really does affect my life. People that don’t get periods might think that we’re being over the top, but we’re really not. And we don’t get a period once a year, it’s every single month, for most of our life.

Tara Kumar, 29, is a DJ and broadcaster.

Muireann O’Connell

I was 13 when I got my first period. We were at a basketball blitz that day, and I thought that I was farting all day. I didn’t know what was going on. When I got home my mum said ‘Oh, God, it must be your period!’

She asked did I know what I was doing and I said I did and went upstairs to the bathroom. The next day my mother said, ‘are you having a bit of an issue? Are things leaking or things not working?’ It turned out I had been using panty liners, because I didn’t know there was a difference. I had no notion and I was coming up on 14.

I remember one day, about three or four years ago, I had a stain on a white skirt. I saw it and was like ‘oh god, I missed that’ but a person with me was REALLY embarrassed. I was like, there’s no reason to be embarrassed, it’s fine, I’ll change...

I think if people do get embarrassed by it, that’s their embarrassment, it’s not your embarrassment. And if someone is uncomfortable with talking about periods, it shouldn’t be up to you to stop yourself from talking about it.

I have posted about my period on my Instagram before and had responses that it was “inappropriate.” I genuinely don’t know how it became a dirty word. It is a natural bodily function that we should all understand. It shouldn’t be embarrassing or shameful in any way, shape or form.

Muireann O’Connell, 39, is a television presenter on Virgin Media’s Ireland AM.

Emer O’Neill

I grew up in a single-parent household with my mum where we talked about everything from a very young age. I was a little bit later getting my period than most of my friends, and there was a part of me that was thinking maybe there’s something wrong with me that I haven’t got it yet.

When it did finally come, it was really inconsistent. I felt like I had my period all month. I’d get it for two days, then it would stop for seven, then I’d get it for four days, then it would stop for three. The GP said it would be a good idea for me to go on birth control to try help regulate it, and that’s when things got more traumatic for me.

I had a lot of side effects to medication. I started getting really bad migraines, and my boobs grew unbelievably massive. I was a sports person and I already had big boobs as it was, so the last thing I wanted was bigger ones. I struggled with that a lot, and I put on quite a bit of weight. When you’re a teenager, that’s the last thing you want.

I’ve had friends whose cramps can debilitate them to the point where they can’t go to work. Every woman is so different and I think because some women really don’t struggle with that, there can be this kind of, ‘come on you’re grand, get on with it’ attitude, when in reality, if people knew the severity to that pain and the emotional roller coaster, I think people would probably be a little bit more forgiving.

There’s a lot of trauma behind periods as well that people don’t know about or talk about. I think it would be a lot more beneficial for us all to be more vocal about it.

Emer O’Neill, 37, is a teacher and television presenter on RTÉ.

Joanne O’Riordan

I was a little bit older when I first got my period. I think I was 14. When I got it, well, I have no limbs, so I had to tell someone straight away. I remember getting really annoyed [by my period] because I used to have to skip swimming training and stuff like that. At that time, I was petrified by tampons because someone else has to put it in for me.

What I didn’t know when I was younger was that everyone experiences periods differently. I wouldn’t have had experience of the cramps my friends had, and my menstrual cycle wasn’t 28 days, which we were told it was, so I thought I was a weirdo. One thing I’ve noticed from writing myself about periods, is the number of younger girls who thought because the liquid on the ad is blue on television, they thought it was supposed to be blue, and they freaked out when it was red. That’s one thing I thought was an urban myth, until I was talking to younger girls about it.

A couple of us would have [talked about periods with friends in school]. You’d only know they were on their period because they’d ask you for a spot check. We would never have sat down for lunch, and said ‘oh my god, like I’m on my period like I’m dying’ or ‘oh my god I’m ovulating like I’m sweating so much,’ it never would have been that.

When I was 16, I had a major back operation, and I lost my period for a little bit because of the stress my body underwent. It took me a long time to regain a proper, full, natural period. When I was younger, If I missed a period, I would have thought it was a blessing in disguise, when it’s actually a sign that something is wrong. I think that’s something that is important to highlight.

Joanne O’Riordan, 26, is an activist and sports journalist

Dr Hazel Wallace

In our final year in primary school, we had “formal” sex education... taught by one of our fellow student's mums.

The girls were separated to be taught about periods, while the boys were taken outside to play football. I was 11 at the time and had not started my period yet, but for many of the girls this lesson had come too late.

By the time my period did come (aged 13) I had forgotten everything I had been told. I went into panic mode and started shouting for my mum from the bathroom who told me to hush so that my dad wouldn't hear me...

Even though I grew up in a house full of sisters, we still didn't really talk about periods, certainly not in front of dad and we always used code words like time of the month and Aunt Flo , which makes me cringe now.

As a medical doctor, I do think times are changing and women are more comfortable talking about their periods but because of the culture around it, I don't think women speak up enough when they're having issues.

Women assume they need to put up with painful or very heavy periods because it's "part and parcel of being a woman."

Dr Hazel Wallace, 37, is a doctor, nutritionist and founder of The Food Medic. Her book The Female Factor is out now.

Lorraine Keane

When I got my first period, my mum celebrated. She said, ‘you’ve got a healthy body, it might not feel like this at the moment, but you’ll understand when you’re a little bit older.’ My granny didn’t talk about periods and that made [my mum] feel like it was a dirty little secret, something to be embarrassed or ashamed of.

My mum made such a big deal about it being a good thing that she even told my dad, which I was horrified about. Even though my mum approached it in that manner, it still felt like something, for my generation, that you shouldn’t talk about.

When you said you had a pain in your tummy, the nuns in my school banished you to the kitchen, which was the smelliest, darkest old room in the basement of a very old building. You were given a couple of tablets and you stayed there until the pain subsided. It was just something that wasn’t spoken about. And that was something that I didn’t want my girls to have to feel.

It’s really, really important that we talk about it so that it’s not something that women have to hide. It’s bad enough having to go through all of this, but then to be made feel ashamed, embarrassed, dirty... it’s just so wrong. The only way we can change it is by having the conversation openly.

Lorraine Keane, 51, is a broadcaster and journalist, and ambassador for Cleanmarine MenoMin.

Isabel Bartak-Healy

I got my period actually quite young. I was in fifth class. I was actually the second person in my class to get it and it was kind of like a badge of honor. I was quite happy about it. I didn't feel embarrassed. I was 'oh my god, cool, I have my period, I am a woman.

I remember looking at my mam's pads when I was younger, like what are these, taking the sticky parts off, saying what are these? Where do these go? So she must have found out, because she came back and her pads were all over the place and she's like, What is Izzy doing in my pads? She asked me why are you looking at that and so it opened up a conversation about how we use things and where they go.

When I got my period, I feel like it was quite an open conversation. I always think like, if you feel shameful or you talk shameful about something, you're passing on that shame. So I am happy that I was so supported in the sense that my mom was like, your period is so normal, it's so natural. I think I kind of showed off a bit about it when I was in school to the girls!

But as I got older, I got really, really bad cramps. I associate ponstan (painkillers) with my periods. Then I went on the pill as well, and I'm still on the pill now. I don't get the cramps anymore, but it doesn't get rid of the PMS.