Adult ADHD diagnosis: ‘I had to completely relearn who I was’
ADHD coach Ailin Kennedy pictured at Glenbower Wood in Killeagh. Picture: Howard Crowdy
“When I started school, I didn't really gel. At a parent-teacher meeting my mum went to, they told her I was a nonconformist because I didn't want to sing the same song as everyone else was singing. I was the only person who didn't sing. They asked me why and I said 'oh, because I don't like that song'.
"This is in senior infants," she laughs. "I just remember I always felt different, like, I never understood the social rules.”
For Ballinora woman Ailín Kennedy, curiosity and authenticity have always been part of life, a journey that has led her from playing bass in rock bands in recession-era Cork to studying animal science at the University of Aberystwyth in Wales, where she also excelled in varsity lacrosse.
But in dealing with mental health and addiction issues over the course of her 20s, that childhood feeling of difference from others remained constant until a diagnosis of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) at the age of 32 provided her with context and clarity.
ADHD is a neurological difference that affects attention, planning, impulse control and motivation - resulting in a range of emotional, social and behavioural issues that looked increasingly familiar as Kennedy did her research after the topic first came up during an appointment with a psychiatrist.
“I had gotten diagnoses of depression, anxiety, bipolar, and borderline personality disorders. That was over a number of years. I came home from Wales and went to my psychiatrist because I was in a very dark place," says Ailín.
When researching mental health issues in women, she came across autism and "identified with a lot of it". She asked her psychiatrist if she thought she had autism, who suggested it could be ADHD.
"I hadn't heard about it since primary school - it just wasn't in my awareness... And, of course, I didn't believe it because we all know the 'naughty boy' stereotype."
To get to the point of diagnosis, Kennedy’s assessment process wasn’t without its difficulties, as the questionnaires and observed cognitive exercises made the realities of an adult ADHD diagnosis apparent.
“It started with a questionnaire, and I had to bring my mum. I thought the questions were crap because they were directed at my mum, focusing on hyperactivity and energy. I wasn't asked anything outside the set questions, which I felt were very archaic.
“I had to do a cognitive test, which was very triggering. I was always so bad at exams in school, which was a huge source of anxiety. I felt so upset, having to think back on my life in school and all of the things I struggled with and didn't even realise were a problem. I cried for a full week.”
It’s one thing to read up and pursue a diagnosis and quite another to be in the moment of being told that you’re neurodivergent. Kennedy is honest in discussing how it impacted her and how her frustrations with the process led her to consider what needs to change for late-diagnosed ADHD people - and what supports need to be put in place.
“I was actually shocked when I was diagnosed. I had to reconceptualise myself - I had to relearn who I was. Identity was always a problem for me and suddenly I had this incredible amount of information about myself that I never knew and was battling against. It was a huge shock, and I had a huge grieving process. I've never met anybody personally (who's been diagnosed) who hasn't.”
Her Instagram account, @ailsdhd, has functioned as an informal outlet for information and support for people diagnosed at a late stage and a personal outlet for Kennedy to explore her neurological difference. It deals with everything from executive function (see panel) to fitness, specifically following her passions for running and weightlifting, making the connections between physical and mental health.
The research that she’s undertaken for the project, and her experiences, have also led her to pursue an industry qualification in neurodivergent coaching - the latest step in a long and varied journey.
Discovering ADHD coaching was a lightbulb moment. " I went for it, and it really helped me. On my Instagram, I was talking about ADHD, learning about it, trying to understand my brain for what it is, what it's always been. That's an overwhelming thing.
“I just had this desire to help people like me, who thought, 'why wasn't it caught at an earlier age?' That grieving process is very real for people like myself, the ‘what if’. I wanted to push my grief into action, and I wanted to use my passion for finding out this new information about myself, to channel that in a positive way.”
That coaching journey is central to Kennedy’s rapidly-developing understanding of ADHD through the eyes of different people she’s worked with as part of her online work placement.
“It's really a collaborative relationship between the coach and science, through an ADHD lens. We know that ADHD kids have a lot of negative self-talk, and we want to focus on their strengths, uniqueness, and what they're actually good at.
“We have to appreciate that ADHDers have tremendous issues and struggles every day. I still struggle with it every day. But if we can flip the script, or even just put on that ADHD lens, there's more meaning there and we can create better lives for ourselves through understanding and self-awareness.”
Having completed her ADDCA coaching qualification, her focus is on affecting change in clients’ lives and using her growing Instagram platform to continue to educate and inform followers, aiming to change the wider ADHD conversation.
“It's just been an incredible opportunity, and there is incredible growth, every single class. It's just ongoing. There's a lot of learning, there's a lot of unlearning. It's not this shameful thing - it's something we can be proud of, once we understand it, and once we know how to work with our brains instead of against them.”
- For more information and resources, follow Ailín Kennedy on Instagram
- Visit her website: https://www.ailsadhdcoach.com/
Adults with ADHD report difficulties in remembering, concentration, personal organisation and planning, as well as behavioural, emotional and social problems.
According to Dr Thomas E. Brown of the Yale University School of Medicine, “ADHD is essentially a name for developmental impairment of executive function.” Executive functions are the skills involved in planning, selective attention, motivation, and impulse control.
- Activation – problems with organisation, prioritizing, and starting tasks.
- Focus – problems with sustaining focus and resisting distraction, especially with reading.
- Effort – problems with motivation, sustained effort, and persistence.
- Emotion – difficulty regulating emotions and managing stress.
- Memory – problems with short-term memory and memory retrieval.
- Action – problems with self-control and self-regulation.
ADHD in adults is evenly distributed among the sexes, with as many women reporting symptoms as men.
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