Pleasure principle: separating performative sex from the real deal

As a teenager, Caroline West read glossy women’s magazines filled with tips about how to perform in bed. It took her years to learn that the recommended high jinks had little to do with true sexual satisfaction

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Growing up on a steady diet of women’s magazines and TV shows, it seemed as if the best way to have great sex was to look great, know how to pleasure your partner, and have as much sex as possible. The problem is that this turned out to be not that satisfying at all.

I used to sneak into my older sister's room to read her copies of Cosmopolitan and More magazine, the latter of which was notorious for its sex ‘position of the fortnight’ such as The Wheelbarrow. If I was to believe what I read in Cosmopolitan, I should be having sex in ways that hid my stomach or giving blowjobs with ice cubes and champagne. Teenage me spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I was a Carrie or a Samantha.