Miscarriage Stories: I had a D&C and this is what my experience was like 

We asked readers to share their experiences of miscarriage. These are their stories

'My experience of miscarriage was so traumatic'

‘I had never heard of a D&C’ 

I found out I was pregnant in November 2017. I was delighted as we started trying for our second baby. Dec I noticed a small bit of blood after going to the toilet so I went to the hospital to be checked. There was a good strong heartbeat and I felt reassured everything was ok.

A few days later I started to bleed some more, this time it was slightly heavier. I was then sent to the Early Pregnancy Unit and was told there was no heartbeat.

I was supposed to be nine weeks but the baby was measuring seven. I then had to wait to see if my body would miscarry itself but it didn’t so I had to have a D&C. I had never heard of it. I was nervous and scared.

I felt so lonely at the time when going through this as it’s not something that’s talked about very often. I luckily fell pregnant three months later and now have my rainbow baby.

‘I had to fight while lying there - vulnerable - to be heard’ 

Within the past year, I have gone through two miscarriages, the first at 17 weeks and the second at seven weeks.

For the first one, it was a routine scan. I was excited to see my baby. I was by myself, I had no one there, I drove myself thinking everything would be fine since I was well over the 12 weeks and there was a strong heartbeat two weeks before.

I will always remember the sonographer placing her hand on my arm while she said those devastating words that there was no heartbeat. It completely broke me, I had no support there waiting for me. I had to ring my partner to tell him while he was at work.

My mother had to come to collect me because I wasn't in the right state of mind to drive myself home. Thankfully for the delivery of the baby, my partner was allowed with me the entire time. I don't know how I could have done that without him by my side.

The second miscarriage, we had a private scan at seven weeks and there was no heartbeat. 

I had to contact the maternity unit to get a confirmation scan but they wouldn't see me for 1 week just to make sure. It took another week after that to arrange a D&C for me.

My D&C was cancelled on me three times, delaying the process further. All this I had to go through alone, my partner was not allowed in for any of it.

When it came for the actual procedure, while lying on the table I was informed I would be getting a spinal, not GA, this was not agreed the day before when I was talking to the anaesthetist he assured me it was being done under GA.

I had told him I didn't want to go through with it if I wasn't asleep for it, he assured me that it would be no problem. So while on the table I had three different doctors try to persuade me to do the spinal, I had to fight while lying there - vulnerable - to be heard through lots of tears.

‘This baby we wanted and loved soon began to beg to leave’ 

I got pregnant with our first baby in June 2019 -we were ecstatic!! We had been trying for a few months. We were so happy but anxious so I decided to book an early scan purely out of excitement also.

It was the 25th of July, a Thursday and my brother's birthday. I took a half-day from work and off we went to the clinic, I drank my litre of water and we eagerly waited to be called while I was busting for the loo! I lay on the bed and held my husband's hand and the nurse asked me to repeat my dates again, that was my first worry.

I repeated them and she asked me to empty my bladder so she could do an internal scan in case my dates were wrong and I was earlier than I thought. I went to the toilet. I could hear my heart in my ears. I knew my dates weren't wrong. The internal scan went ahead and we heard that line ‘I’m sorry there is no heartbeat’.

All I remember from that point is calling my boss sobbing and explaining I would be out for some time. The following day we went to the Early Pregnancy Clinic for another scan and they explained I had a missed miscarriage and I was basically no longer pregnant but my body didn't know it yet. I was numb.

I was told to wait for a week to see if I would pass things myself and if not come back for medication. A week later I returned to the clinic on the day of our first wedding anniversary. I hadn't bled and needed the medication. So I took the tablets it felt wrong because I knew what they were deep down and waited, days passed and nothing I called the clinic and they said if nothing had happened in a week to come back, on the morning I was due to return the bleeding started it was horrendous the pain was excruciating in my body and my heart. Another week passed and I was back in the clinic for a check-up when I was told the sac had only collapsed and I hadn't passed it fully so from there a D&C was booked for two days' time.

This baby we wanted and loved soon began to beg to leave. I just wanted to begin to try and heal. The morning of my D&C came and I was in a bed waiting to go into surgery where I could hear babies crying, babies being born? I was alongside women getting sections.

This was a new pain. I sobbed uncontrollably. It was cruel. I rubbed my empty belly, told the baby we loved them whoever they were and I was put to sleep. I woke up how I went to sleep… sobbing!!

Months passed and doubt set in...Will I ever get pregnant again? Thankfully after some time, I did and we have a beautiful daughter but those first weeks were filled with what-ifs and belly rubs, begging this little baby to stay. Looking back I felt like I should have been offered a D&C from the start but I didn't know what was happening and I trusted the treatment but it was too long and too drawn out!

I will never forget that little baby. I look at children that were born around my due date and wonder. I wish my daughter had a sibling and hopefully, someday she will. I dont shy away from what happened I will openly speak about my miscarriage if an opportunity arises with someone. I am 1 in 5.

‘I don't want my daughters to be unaware of something that is so common’ 

I had a miscarriage when I was 26. We hadn't been trying for long and fell pregnant very quickly. We were over the moon, so excited. I was referred for an early fetal scan at six weeks.

We went into the ultrasound and there was just silence. We had no clue if this was just the norm as it was our first pregnancy. They eventually said that they would need to bring us upstairs for an internal scan as the one they were using wasn't clear enough.

We assumed everything was fine but making our way up we started to feel anxious. Waited patiently again while they scanned and eventually they just said there was no heartbeat. It was like a gut punch. I just wasn't expecting it. It wasn't even a possibility in my mind.

I thought it was my fault, I had done something wrong and made this happen. 

I didn't know anyone who had had a miscarriage before and thought this must not happen to many people. We were put in a tiny room to just cry I guess and the doctor came in to recommend a D&C. I was booked in and sent home.

Two days later I had the procedure done and took two weeks off work to rest. I remember just being so devastated and then becoming obsessed with trying again. We got pregnant again three months later. We were happy but that pure joy we had experienced with the first pregnancy was just sucked out.

I had a small bleed at five weeks and was sent in for an early scan. We saw and heard a heartbeat so let ourselves relax a little. We were told to come back in a week if the bleeding continued. We went back a week later and were told once again there is no heartbeat. We were devastated.

I ended up having two D&C’s with this pregnancy as the first one had been incomplete. 

The whole experience felt extremely traumatic. I didn't really talk to anyone about it as we hadn't told many people about the pregnancy so it was very lonely.

I became obsessed again with just having a baby but a few months later I had to stop and catch myself. I was so miserable and not myself so we decided that we would take a break from trying. We weren't healing from either of the miscarriages and I knew going through another one again would break me at that point.

We spent the following year focusing on ourselves and enjoying life without trying for a baby and I found that I really started to come out of my depression. I spoke openly about the miscarriages which were sometimes met with blank and awkward silence but mostly I found other people were sharing their own personal experiences of miscarriage, even being told stories of family members that experienced it but never spoke about.

I started to realise that this was way more common than I had thought which gave me a lot of comfort because I realised that it can just be a very natural part of life. After a year we felt strong enough to try again.

We have two beautiful girls who are one and four years old. My pregnancy with my first daughter was definitely full of anxiety and worry which I thought would go away after hitting the big milestones but the losses certainly changed my experience. I honestly didn't relax until she was in my arms. Though a newborn is anything but relaxing!

I really feel like if I had heard other peoples experiences with miscarriage before my pregnancies it wouldn't have felt like such a shock to the system. I felt so unprepared and ignorant on the subject. It certainly wouldn't have taken the pain away but maybe I would have felt less shock with a little insight.

One thing I have learned from the experiences is that I won't stop being open and talking about them. I don't want my daughters to be unaware of something that is actually so natural and incredibly common. Women should not feel like they are completely alone or to blame if they've experienced a miscarriage. The more we talk about these things, the easier it is to heal.

‘After an extremely traumatic miscarriage, my GP was the one to show me empathy’ 

My miscarriage happened in March, right in the middle of our third lockdown. I was 10 weeks and five days when I noticed a small bit of blood. I had had a scan at seven weeks with a heartbeat so I was hoping it was nothing too serious but went to the hospital just in case.

My husband wasn't allowed in so I went through the scan plus then an internal scan to confirm there was no heartbeat and my baby had apparently died at eight weeks, which is known as a missed miscarriage or a silent miscarriage where your body still thinks you're pregnant and continues to grow and have symptoms.

My husband was then allowed in to speak with the doctor who was very nice to us. I was handed a sick cert for work and told someone would phone me in the morning with another appointment as I'd need to attend the early pregnancy unit for confirmation. I was told my husband would probably be allowed in with me but when the nurse phoned me the next morning she said I had to come back in alone.

I sat in a waiting room for an hour on my own with other women wearing masks and crying with sobs underneath them. I was eventually brought into another room for my scan and after lots of poking and prodding I saw that sympathetic look and those words "I'm sorry, but I can't find a heartbeat".

I was then told to go into another room where the doctor would talk me through what would happen next. For this, I was allowed to call my husband so he could also meet with the doctor. Why he was only allowed in for those conversations, I can't understand. We were told I was quite advanced in my pregnancy with being just about 11 weeks so they recommended a D&C.

Unfortunately, though, miscarriage is so common that the theatre was booked up and I had to go home and wait six days for the procedure to be done. I wasn't told what might happen in those days, only that if I passed clots bigger than my hand or was bleeding through sanitary pads, to come back in. I travelled home with my dead baby still inside me with no offer of emotional support or a debrief and my husband had to tell our children, friends and family what had happened as I couldn't face them.

I had the most awful three days at home and then on Day Four, which was actually Mother's Day, I began to get contractions and within a half-hour I was bleeding heavily and passing clots so large I felt like my insides were falling out. I destroyed the house, it was literally a blood bath which my children witnessed.

My husband phoned the hospital who told us to come in so we put a sheet in the car for the blood loss and headed straight there. We were stopped at a Covid checkpoint while I tried to breathe and wondered why it was like being in labour. 

At the front door of the hospital, we were told my husband was not allowed in with me and a stranger wheeled me to A&E. I was so scared and so alone.

The nurses were of course amazing and tried to comfort me and help me with the process. I coughed my baby out on the bed and then was scanned and told unfortunately the sac was still retained and I would probably need surgery still. I was told I would have to be admitted and to fast from any food or fluids in case they needed to operate that night. I said I needed to ring my husband as I was sure I had really scared him and my children and he would need to know I was ok.

I was then told he could see me for five minutes before being admitted. I literally had five minutes with my husband and then I was on a ward on my own all evening. After not eating until after 10 pm that night I was told I was stable and they would instead operate in the morning.

I finally went down to the theatre and was prepped and had met my team... then another emergency came in and I had to wait again and make small talk with new people about how many children I had, how old I was. I finally got into the theatre and was sedated for my D&C procedure. When I came through I just cried and cried.

I was so glad it was all over and thankful that there had been no complications. I had tea and toast again and was told after about an hour I could go home. I was asked how I felt about returning to work. I said I worked with young families and pregnant women, so not great! They wrote another sick cert and told me to go to see my GP in three weeks and to take a pregnancy test a week after I stop bleeding.

I packed my bag, got dressed and walked alone through the corridors and past many pregnant women until I got to the front door where my husband was waiting for me. And that was it, no more contact with the hospital... because I wasn't pregnant anymore and a miscarriage is obviously not important enough to warrant some aftercare. I cried and slept and spoke to my closest friends.

I was not prepared for the physical recovery and was really shocked by it. 

It was like recovering from birth and it really took me just over a month before I could exercise again and do my usual chores around the house, never mind use my brain for work! I went to see my GP and was dreading it. Going through my story and wondering would she agree that I was not ready for work. It ended up being the best visit and I got so much relief. She showed me empathy, asked me what happened and listened.

She told me I had been through a very traumatic miscarriage and of course, I wasn't ready for work as they would recommend taking four to six weeks off to recover and I had particularly been through a tough experience so I should take the six weeks. The doctor also explained why the physical recovery was so tough and ended the visit by saying "this is the part of the visit where I would give you a hug but I'm not allowed because of Covid". I cried for about an hour after that visit and couldn't believe how good it felt to have someone listen and tell me it was ok to feel how I did. It has been 12 weeks since my miscarriage, sox excruciating weeks at home and six weeks back in work trying to get back into a routine and adjust to my new normal.

In my heart, I will be 23 weeks pregnant tomorrow and in my head, I am frustrated with myself that I can't move forward and acknowledge that my pregnancy failed, my baby died, I am no longer pregnant. 

I have sought out support and see a counsellor regularly, we have also been to see a couples counsellor. Friends and neighbours have shared their own experiences and even work colleagues have shared with me their own miscarriage stories. Why do women not talk about this? Why is it all hush-hush? Why did I not know what was involved and what my body would go through? Why was I not offered an appointment to go back to the hospital and see someone to debrief and have some aftercare for the trauma I went through? Why are people embarrassed to talk about this? And why can't you tell people you are pregnant until after 12 weeks?

So because I have a good support system and can afford private counselling, I will be ok and am getting to talk about my experience. But what about those who don't have a support network? What about those who can't afford private counselling? Something needs to change.