Stella O'Malley: 'Start getting kids up early now'

— The parenting expert and psychotherapist on the best ways to get kids ready to return to the classroom

The countdown is on for primary schools to return.

The countdown is on for schools to start returning, with just a few days left until junior infants through second class start heading back to the classroom.

The last few months in lockdown have been tough on children and many have gotten used to a 'new normal' and the world of homeschooling.

Offaly-based psychotherapist, author, and parenting expert, Stella O’Malley, offers her tips on how to prepare children for Monday morning.

“The juniors up to second class, they’ve been following all of this but they’re still quite unsure about the whole thing,” she says. “So, it’s important that it’s kind of gently said to them. For example, tell them: ‘oh we’re going to go back to school and it’ll be nice’ but not in a big celebratory way because it induces nerves.” 

O’Malley says that while it might be hard for parents to contain their excitement at the prospect of a return to normality, it’s important to not over-hype the event for children, especially younger children.

“For the parents, it’s a big event and they've been waiting for it but the kids don’t need such high emotion. They just need more of a low-key ‘oh we’re going to get the school bag ready and the lunchbox ready’ type of motivation. Just like when you were going to school in September, because it can get very tense. It can seem great and then suddenly it goes wrong if you put too much emotion into it.” 

Baby steps

To start off, O’Malley suggests taking small steps, like waking the kids up earlier, getting their school bags out a few days in advance, and focusing on simple tasks like making their packed lunch.

“Definitely get the lunch box out a couple of days before and say ‘what will we buy for lunch, will we go on a little shopping trip to get the lunch ready?’ or ‘why don’t we wash our school bag' two or three days beforehand,” she recommends.

“I think it’s important that parents do kind of build-up to it by spending less time having fun and make it a little bit less enjoyable at home.” 

By this, O’Malley means turning off the telly during usual school hours and getting the kids dressed at their usual wake-up time.

“We did what we had to do to get through. Kids are often waking up now in the morning and putting on the television and it’s very relaxed. Having to go from that to suddenly ‘right, up, go, uniform,’ they’ll hate it. Therefore I would start changing that now, whether it's no more TV in the morning, hiding the remote control,” she says.

“I don’t know what people’s mornings are. They might adapt from things they learned during lockdown and start bringing it in and I do recommend people do that but certainly don’t have it be night and day. You know, one day we were just at home slogging around in our PJs until 1pm and the next we’re up at 8am, don’t do that to them."

“We know what date they’re going back. Lead it in. So by the time Monday morning has arrived they’re already feeling like there’s a rhythm and it’s not so horrible.

"Get them up early, get them in their clothes early, and have breakfast in the morning. It’s really important that we start that now. 

"We had enough of the other way and now it’s important that we do that again.” 

Staying strong on both sides

The thought of returning to school might be a scary idea to some children.

When Monday morning rolls around, O’Malley says parents need to be strong too, as some children will resist leaving them.

“The quieter, shyer kids, they’ll really find this very difficult. It depends on the kid but the more introverted ones will be wondering why they can’t just stay home and the door will really have opened in their minds to ‘why don’t we just do it like this, we’ve done it for a few months, why can’t we just continue?’ and they’ll really try and sell that to their parents,” she says.

“Very often the parents get affected by that. They’re frightened on behalf of the child, very understandably, and the child sees the nerves in the parent’s face. The child, not being manipulative but being instinctive, picks up on it and plays up the fear. It can become very problematic, very quickly, so it’s important to not let that happen.” 

When it comes to preparing children for the world reopening on a deeper level, patience and a lot of explaining will be vital. Children’s outlooks have changed dramatically over the past year, so as we see some light at the end of the tunnel, it’s important to let the children in on that.

“They’ve been taught to be afraid of people. Now we’ve kind of got good news to impart and it’s our job to communicate it without worry. 

"We need to teach them about the concept of vaccinations in a simple and child-friendly manner so that they realise the landscape is changing,” O’ Malley says.

“They might have understood this return in a very fraught way and going back to school might not make sense to them. So it’s quite important that we effectively sell it to them so that they’re not going back with that consideration. It’s been so heightened on them and so hard.

“I think this year has really kicked in on them and I really think they’ve been affected by the anxiety. Some of them will be delighted, but some will be resistant. They’ve been taught the concept of homeschool and will just earn for it. It will be tedious for them.” 

'The child's safety is paramount'

Metal health will be a well-watched factor in classrooms, with teachers putting safety and wellbeing first as children return. 

"From a teaching perspective, the child's safety is paramount. It's the most important thing going back," says Cork-based Aoife O'Sullivan, who teaches junior infants in Glouthane National School.

"It's going to be a lot of re-teaching about hygiene and how to be safe and social distance in the classroom because children are coming from the safety zone of their homes. They haven't been leaving them as much, they're not wearing masks, they're not distancing. It's going to be a big change, especially for younger students. We have to relearn all of that for a classroom setting again."

Many teachers will focus on safety and wellbeing before curriculum for younger students.

Ms O' Sullivan agrees with the idea of getting children ready to return early and says that children will be eased back into learning so as not to shock the system.

"There will be a lot of time placed on SPHE, talking about their feelings, doing things like mindfulness, dance, structured play, language development, social skills. These are all areas to develop on after being at home," she says.

"Then comes the curriculum. Usually, the curriculum comes first in a child's learning but for the first few weeks at least this is the way it needs to be. It's like we're starting school in the middle of winter, but they've been seeing their teachers and classmates on Zoom over the past weeks so hopefully that helps and it will be a safe environment."

Second to sixth class

When it comes to preparing older children for their eventual return, O’Malley says it’s the same idea but needs to be further developed. Maybe sit down with them and talk through their fears now to prepare them for going back to school. A big area to start with immediately is screen time.

“Definitely start limiting the screens now. Start taking the screens off them in the morning so the addiction is reduced. Especially fifth and sixth class. They would have been really heavy on the screens so start kicking in on that now,” O’Malley says.

Overall, it’s important to check in with your child and help them get through this confusing time without getting too worked up yourself in the process. As O’Malley says, for right now just focus on the little things.

“The emphasis is on not making it that home life is fabulous and school life is brutal. Make sure that you slide that out now."