Sex File: I can't always give her an orgasm

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Q. I have recently got together with a woman who, like me, is divorced, and we are delighted to have found a promising new relationship. My anxiety is that when we have sex I am not always able to bring her to orgasm. She assures me that it's just about her mood, not me, but still I feel as though I am letting her down.

A. Don't be such a defeatist - "not always" means "sometimes", and that may be a huge improvement on the frequency of orgasm that your new partner experienced when she was married. Divorce is stressful at any age, but it poses specific threats to identity in midlife. It can be much harder to find a partner, so when middle-aged divorcees find a relationship that shows promise, they feel a mix of hope, relief and gratitude. However, they also feel a sense of trepidation. After all, they have just emerged from a marriage that they thought would last for ever and, having been wrong once, they are alert to the possibility that they might be wrong again.