Becoming Mum: Tales from the rollercoaster ride that was the first year of motherhood
“You’re an individual before becoming a mother. You can control a lot in your life, be organised, plan your day. Having a baby’s a shock to the system. I lived my 20s, did the mad nights out, spent money on travel and on myself. I thought giving it up wouldn’t be too hard – it’s a lot harder than you think.
“I’ve learned to trust myself, my own instincts and go with the flow. When I was pregnant, a friend recommended a book by sleep trainer Gina Forde. I thought: ‘oh, this is great – this gives the plan’. Trying to follow it when Sophie had her own ideas just made me more anxious.
“Cuidiú helped a lot, with information about attachment parenting and responsive parenting. I threw the Gina Forde book in the bin – it was great to get to that point. I’m in a Facebook group, ‘Extended’ Breastfeeding in Ireland. Everyone’s so supportive. You write at 2am with a question, feeling stressed, and a completely random mother, somewhere else in the country, also up in the middle of the night reaches out. It’s like an encyclopedia of people who’ve had similar experiences – on all sorts of things.”
“I’ve learned how 24/7 parenting is,” says Pamela. “Everyone warns you — you don’t realise ‘til you experience it. You sleep with one eye open all night – you’re constantly worrying about them, wondering if they’re breathing ok, if they’ve a wet nappy, if they’re warm enough.
“Everyone asks if I remember life without my baby girl. Definitely! It was a life of sleep-ins, never having to pack a bag before leaving the house, and not having to entertain someone every night while making dinner. But I wouldn’t change it! My husband and I have discovered a level of love we never knew. Alexandra’s little facial expressions just melt our hearts. She brings so much joy.
“Motherhood has made me more relaxed about some things. A screaming baby on a plane used to annoy me. When Alexandra was three months old, we brought her on a trip abroad. She screamed for an entire hour on the flight. I was so stressed. Now when that type of thing happens, I’m more relaxed.
“I received hundreds of opinions on best way to parent – sleep training, weaning, tummy time, cloth nappies, cord-clamping, swaddling. You have to trust yourself and your baby. Each baby’s different, so go with your gut. Alexandra hates tummy time. No matter how I tried, she wouldn’t do it for more than a few minutes at a time. I just had to go with the flow.
“New mum activities and groups supported me hugely in the first year. I joined parent-to-parent support group Cuidiú, I went to baby-wearing meet-ups and did a baby massage course. These helped me make friends with new mums in my area.”
Caroline has learned how short each stage is. “Babies change so much. Every week he has a new skill, movement or sound – something small, but they add up. At four weeks, he started smiling – magical! At four months he started laughing. Now, anytime we go for a walk he points at birds and goes ‘oh, oh’. Someone said ‘the days are long but the months short’ – it’s true.
“I didn’t expect breastfeeding to be hard. Some women cruise through – we struggled. I persisted, it got easier, and we found our groove. I stopped when I went back to work.
“How he looked when he was born was a surprise. Stephen and I have dark hair and green eyes. We were expecting a baby with a mop of dark hair. He came out with red hair and blue eyes. We were just amazed. We’d said we’d love a child with red hair – we never dreamed it’d happen! Now though, he has blonde curls!
“We were able to tell his personality in the first month. He’s a terrible rogue, it’s all a game with him – feeding, changing and bathing him. He has a glint in his eye.
“Since becoming a parent, I’ve greater appreciation for my own parents. I joined Cuidiú when Richard was four months. The other mums had babies at the same stage. Everybody was giving out about sleep deprivation. I learned to sleep when he sleeps. Three times a week, I’d nap with him. I thought I could never live on six hours sleep a night – I can. Priorities change – I don’t make plans now without thinking of Richard. It’s hard work, but worth every minute.”
Wicklow-based Jenny McCarthy and Andrew Wade are parents to 17-month-old Calvin:
“I had an emergency C-section. We planned to breastfeed. I couldn’t get out of bed by myself. I couldn’t lift him out of his bassinet. We ended up going for bottles.
“He’s been an easier baby than we expected, sleeping through the night from a young age. I’m from Vancouver Island and I took him to Canada when he was five months, totally prepared for 12 hours of screaming on the flight. He was chilled out. We had three flights on the way back and he slept on them all. We couldn’t believe it.
“His first six months felt like five years; his last six months felt like five minutes. He started walking at 11 months, right after everything locked down. We had to scramble to get everything baby-proofed.
“Maternity leave’s one year in Canada. It was a shock that it’s six months here. Going back to work, I found nobody had childcare spaces because he was under one. My mom came from Canada, which gave me time to find a place. A lady on a local Facebook page recommended a friend who had a space – he loves it there.”
CONNECT WITH US TODAY
Be the first to know the latest news and updates
Celebrating 25 years of health and wellbeing
