Read a Belfast pub’s hilarious description of their "bouncers’ coke ring" in response to an angry patron

A Belfast pub has posted a tongue-in-cheek response to a peeved patron who accused their bouncers of selling cocaine.

Read a Belfast pub’s hilarious description of their "bouncers’ coke ring" in response to an angry patron

Leigh McIlroy was upset after being thrown out by the Hudson Bar's "oppressive bouncers" whilst on a night out. She accused the staff of being drug dealers and claimed that its toilets were also "full of people snorting coke".

Even the sound system was criticised in her description of "the most horrid nasty bar in Belfast".

Rather than ignore her complaint, the Hudson Bar described in very colourful detail the problems they have had with their bouncers, who, from their description, seem like characters from a fantasy version of Breaking Bad.

"Hi Leigh,

"Firstly, thank you for your review. We appreciate all feedback, be it good or bad. Without these insights from our customers, we couldn't improve our business.

"I'm sorry that you have fallen foul of our bouncers coke ring. As you no doubt understand, the business of selling coke is a highly lucrative one and our door staff guard their cartel jealously. Business is good for them at the moment it seems as you have witnessed the toilets full of people doing coke. Again, I can't apologise enough for this.

"The sound system could be better, in fact it is a very good sound system. The problem is, the speakers are full of coke. That's where the bouncers are keeping their stash you see. The bags of powder muffle the speaker cones and it seems to lead to a poor aural experience.

"It's something we have been working on, but between the internal turf wars, the kidnappings and now the fucking Colombians, to be honest —we're finding it challenging.

"We nearly had a grip on it a couple of months ago, but since then the bouncers have hired an actual dragon which can shoot thunderbolts out of its eyes. It's pretty intimidating and we don't want to go near it. It is said that the dragon may be slain if it is struck by a magical sword by one who is pure of heart. We've sent several of our bar staff on a quest to find this sword but their journey will be long and fraught with danger, it could be many months before they return.

"Even if we get good acts in, it is not safe to visit with us until this horrible dragon and his coke peddling masters are sent back to the underworld from whence they came.

"Go easy traveller, and pray for our deliverance from this pestilence.

"Godspeed."

This epic depiction of life at the pub has received enthusiastic responses from fans on Facebook. "That retort was fucking outstanding," says Seán Mac Suibhné, while Clár Ní Chathasaigh simply wrote "*snort*".

Read the full review and response on the Hudson Bar's Facebook page.

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