This much I know: Rubberbandits

I never expected to be a performer. I can’t dance and have the stage presence of an emotionally abused swan.

Mr Chrome grew up in a family of performers, he was destined to be one.

We make music that happens to be funny. Some songs are hip hop, other songs are pop or even rave. We put the music first, the jokes second. We’re more like Randy Newman than The Lonely Island. When we’re not doing the music, then it’s straight comedy, that means jokes first.

An artist who isn’t aesthetically autonomous belongs in the audience, not on the stage. Also, 10% inspiration, 90% perspiration.

We approach the writing process by not thinking about the opinions of others and doing what we want to do. In general, I do all the nerdy stuff, while Mr Chrome concentrates on the democratic distribution of sex to all our groupies.

We get our inspiration from a steam powered generator out our back garden. If you fill it with enough songs that already exist then eventually songs like ours come out. Neil Diamond had one too.

The best advice I ever got was “Danger, keep away from children, may cause suffocation” on every shopping bag ever.

When it comes to daily routine, I don’t think I’ve ever started a day without smashing a champagne bottle off my head.

My advice to anyone who wants to get into this business is don’t worry about getting into this business, worry about creating something that you yourself enjoy.

My earliest memory is getting bitten on the face by a basset hound because I tried to put a straw hat on his head. True story.

Before we were famous we were milk men.

I don’t believe in fate. The universe is meaningless chaos and it’s our own personal responsibility to create meaning for ourselves.

I spend any free time throwing effervescent Berroca tablets into the Shannon river and watching them fizzle away like a drowning badger.

I wear a plastic bag on my head, so I guess I’m not that health conscious.

Death is brilliant, it reminds you to have the craic when you can. Embrace death like you would Beyonce’s rapid arse. Consumerism and greed are the opposite of thinking about death.

My greatest pleasures are rubbing dogs or throwing stones.

I don’t believe in God. How could I believe in something for which there isn’t any evidence? God is an adult version of Santa Claus, a figment of our imagination because humans have difficulty understanding meaninglessness. We evolved to be creatures of purpose who invent things for a purpose.

Even if there was proof beyond doubt that God didn’t exist, I don’t think people would believe it. We have proof of an afterlife and everyone ignores it because it’s not what we want it to be. It’s called the Law of conservation of energy. When we die our bodies decompose and convert into chemicals that will feed a plant. The plant converts the carbon dioxide that someone breathes out into oxygen that another person breathes in. That’s the afterlife. You’re breathing Elvis and Mussolini at the moment.

When it comes to heroes, Cúchullain was a gas bastard, he choked a wolfhound with a sliothar. I’ve a lot of time for Queen Maedbh too. She was killed by a block of cheese and they buried her upside down in a mountain in Sligo that looks like a tit. Brendan the Navigator was on the ball too, he was the original internet troll. He discovered America before Columbus and told everyone that he gave the eucharist to a sea monster on the belly of a whale.

Rubberbandits perform at Valentia Isle Festival on Saturday, September 15, (valentiaislefestival.com), and their new show will be on Channel 4 shortly.