TV review: Five minutes in and I hate Cooking with Paris
Cooking with Paris has the feeling of a short Instagram clip that got out of hand.
"She has to get breakfast ready for four kids every morning”, says Paris Hilton about her guest Kim Kardashian in (Netflix). It’s about this point, five minutes into the first episode that I start to hate this show.
Kim Kardashian doesn’t have to get breakfast ready for anybody, except maybe her ex- husband back in the day , he seemed a bit old-skool that way.
Having glanced through an interview with Paris about the show, where she seemed to suggest she was ditching her ditzy old self for a more mature version (she’s 40), I assumed this would be a cooking show aimed at people over 10. I should have read the whole review.
This show is a bowl of gawk. In preparation for the big day when Kim comes for breakfast, Paris has her place done up as ‘Heaven'. We know this because there are a few white balloons scattered around and the event manager (for a breakfast) says “Welcome to Heaven.”
The golden rule about a cooking show is that either the food or the host should leave you wanting more. Paris is making blue marshmallows for breakfast, so it isn’t going to be the food.
It isn’t going to be her either. I honestly thought they’d do more with Paris Hilton than put her in a daft-looking pink dress and hope for the best. When she starred with Nicole Richie in back in 2003, we were all in on the joke. Rich young things going to live with red-necks who pretended to be surprised that rich young things didn’t know anything about red-necks — there was something there for everyone.
Here we have Paris Hilton mixing turquoise Lucky Charms (an American breakfast cereal) with melted marshmallows. A jaunty jazz tune plays in the background — a message from the producers saying, 'We know this is pure shit, but it’s Paris and Kim, so you have to watch'.
A nyway, the big day arrives and Kim is on her way over for breakfast. Paris is dressed as a sexy nurse for reasons which aren’t clear. She tells us that she isn’t a morning person, but Kim is, which is good because she needs to brush off the fact that Paris is giving her dyed marshmallows for breakfast.
Kim arrives and they both agree that they are both fabulous. I worry who is giving Kim’s kids their breakfast. Paris then asks Kim to help with a breakfast of French Toast (topped with the blue marshmallows.) At this point I tuned out. It was like listening to two really boring people behind you on a flight.
Obviously loads of people will watch , given who’s in it. But this has the feeling of a short Instagram clip that got out of hand. There will be more celebs coming to sample Paris Hilton’s ‘cooking’, which is really just her trying and failing to capture her cheeky feckless person from . It doesn’t matter who comes for dinner though — I won’t be watching. And neither should you.
