Watching Love Island with teens ... and the lectures kick off on cue

'You can't go around doing that with people you barely met'
Watching Love Island with teens ... and the lectures kick off on cue

Love Island 2021 contestants. L-R: Sharon Gaffka, Hugo Hammond, Chloe Burrows, Shannon Singh, Kaz Kamwi, Brad McClelland, Faye Winter, Aaron Francis, Toby Amolaran, Liberty Poole and Jake Cornish. Picture: ©ITV

I watched Love Island with my teenagers.

So the lectures kicked off right on cue: "You can't go around doing that with people you barely met. It's not right. Look kids, this is all fake and real life just isn't like that. People don't behave like that. Frankly, it's just weird."

Really though, what is with all the obsession with eye contact?

Why would you be staring into the eyes of people you've just met. No, just no. Nobody likes a stranger boring into you with their eyes.

I had been wary of watching Love Island with the teenagers in my house. What if it was really porny and I had to go prude-mom and turn it off and deliver a lecture on morals.

They were safe enough on that count anyway, the Love Island 'banter' and action was considerably tamer than I had feared. Yes, it's only day-one but there has been more raunchy talk on Golden Girls.

Three of the Golden Girls — Dorothy Zbornak (Beatrice Arthur), Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) and Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan)
Three of the Golden Girls — Dorothy Zbornak (Beatrice Arthur), Sophia Petrillo (Estelle Getty) and Blanche Devereaux (Rue McClanahan)

Love Island was a lot more 'ah bless him' and 'how sweet' and talk of relationships and getting married.

And eye contact. God, the hot raw desire for eye contact. Some of the girls declared that they didn't make a move to couple up with guys being paraded in front of them because they didn't make eye contact.

Love Island: eye contact is very important here
Love Island: eye contact is very important here

There was talk of a desire for banter and chats. The older teenager in my gaff drifted off to play an online game with friends at this stage. The younger one hung around because it's the first year they've been allowed watch it and they were determined to get their dues.

I'm not sure they'll go the distance at all if there's much more talk of living with nana and the lovely niece and nephew and cute little doggy. There seemed to be more excitement at the prospect of meeting Liberty's mum than anything else.

Ah Liberty. Ok, I'll admit it's been ages since I've ... been to a catered event. But thanks to Liberty I got all the flashbacks. She gamely tried to up the raunch factor by asking Jake 'boobs or bum?' It had all the heady drama of a harried 'will you have the tea or coffee' waitress query at a function in a community hall.

Liberty, Sharon and Kaz wait to 'couple up' on Love Island
Liberty, Sharon and Kaz wait to 'couple up' on Love Island

The accents were a little indistinct at first but did one islander really say "We've got a good relationship going on at the moment"? Jeez, I've got a better relationship with the JD Sports parcel-tracking bot.

There was some naked lust alright — it's a pity it was expended on the line 'you looked like you were having a good chat over there'.  From what I had heard about Love Island in previous years I had expected to have to mention consent and respect. But I ended up wondering why would you be coupling up and talking of marriage and meeting parents on the first day you meet someone.

The Love Islanders were all pouts, itsy bitsy bikinis, and shiny pecs but the dialogue was pure seniors outing to a bingo hall.

No, that's not fair — there's way more intrigue and excitement in a bingo hall.

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