I rang my Posh Cousin, and said what do you reckon? She said, I need more details. I said, he’s a GAA mad doctor from Wexford who’s crap in the sack, what’s missing? She said, whether he’s a consultant or GP. (You could be looking at 100 grand a year in the difference.)
W T Actual F was that? You’d get more sense out of a Listowel woman with her head in a bag of geese. My nephew has taken up rapping because, according to himself anyway, the sex is terrible in Young Fine Gael. I said, who should a Dundalk rapper call if he wants to meet someone in Cork? He said, Just Eat. #ThatsLouthy #Geddit?
I’d steer clear of the documentary. I trapped a TV executive in a lift once and asked him if there was any interest in a 4-part mini-series story of my life. He said, describe yourself in 10 words or less. I said, borderline sex-addict, social climber, Ballinlough. He said, sorry, we’re looking for someone unique.
What gives you the impression someone is in charge? My nephew the political anorak gets turned on thinking about Fianna Fáil transfers in Carlow-Kilkenny, it would save him a fortune in Viagra if the need ever arose. #Unlikely. I said, what are the chances of Boris being let back into Europe? He said, they’re up there with Prince Andrew googling ‘weekend break in New York.’
You’re not completely wrong. When I suggested it to My Conor he was very quick out of the traps. He said, will we be letting people watch us having sex in our car. I said, no way, I’d be mortified. He said, why? I said, we only have a 151 C Renault, that could be enough to get us kicked of Ballinlough Tennis Club.