Learner dad: We're on our fourth box of roses as I write, with my belly almost obscuring the keyboard

YOU know the way the EU is planning to stop the clocks going back and forward for daylight savings time in 2021? They need to take a look at moving Christmas as well. December 25 is way too late, at least in Ireland. They need to move it back to December 12, if my kids are anything to go by.

The clue is in their school lunches. They stopped eating them last week, all out hunger-strike, so they are like actual ballistic missiles by the time they get in from school. They get a round of toast in that situation, or it would be tears all the way to dinner, but then they don’t want to eat dinner because of the round of toast and we’re all losing the will to live.