Sex file: My wife has given my a 'free pass'.

Sex advice with Suzi Godson.

My wonderful wife and I have been married for 18 years and have three children, but our sex life is non-existent. She’s just not interested and feels terrible about it. She has suggested I sleep with someone else “to keep everyone happy”. Is it ever really possible for this to happen without damaging a relationship?

If you have any plans to take your wife up on this offer make sure you get her to put it in writing first. Although people can, and do, live successfully in open relationships, which is what this would be, they are very much the exception to the rule. I know couples who have had similar ‘theoretical’ conversations about non-monogamy as a potential solution to one partner’s lack of sexual interest or dysfunction. As discussions go, they can feel very positive. For the person who is not interested in or able to have sex, granting what is known as a “hall pass” can be a relief because italleviates feelings of guilt. They stop feeling they are the ‘problem’ and, drunk on their magnanimity, believe that, given their emotional maturity, this is a solution.