Learner dad: To be honest, I throw away a few bits of cheap plastic every morning to calm myself down

DEAR kids, I presume you never read these articles. If for some reason you’re reading this one, stop now and find something else to do, like cleaning up the latest mess you left in the front room.

Here’s the thing. I’ve been throwing your toys out, on the sly. Not the big ones like a Transformer or a Kidizoom, because they’re expensive and you’d miss them. I’d miss them too because you get hours of enjoyment out of them, hours when you’re not following me around the house asking for ‘something sugary’.