Sorting out Cork people for years...
I checked with my niece, she’s 23 and angry. I said is there any song that’s safe to sing at Christmas time? She said no. I said what about, Do They Know It’s Christmas? She said absolutely not. I said who does not offend? She said, the Norries. I said you mean, tonight thank God it’s them instead of you. She said exactly.
Ye sure are. My nephew became a political analyst because he was never going to get a girlfriend anyway. I said, is there anything less reliable than a promise from the British government? He said not really, unless you count Boris Johnson’s marriage vows. #Gotcha
I didn’t know you were still capable of producing tears. #Botox. I told my Posh Cousin about your friend, and said , that’s unbelievable, where did she get her neck? She said, Harley Street for 25 grand, you can’t get a seat on Cork-Heathrow in the run up to Christmas. I said, what have Blackrock people got against flying to Luton? She said everything.
Thankfully. There is no such thing as ‘a Cork bird’. The only thing a Blackrock and Ballyphehane woman have in common is they’d both hate to live in Ovens. (It’s a refugee camp for people from Tralee.) The one thing that might impress a Cork woman is you not being septic even though you’re from Dublin 4. #Doubtful
From a distance. #Binoculars. My neighbour became a social media influencer when his wife left him and he ended up with loads of space in the house for free moisturiser samples. I said, what are you recommending to your followers this Christmas? He said, keeping a closer eye on your wife’s private messages. (He’s taking the breakup very badly.)