Ask Audrey: Hola girl, I do be a Spanish student learning English on the northside

Hola girl. I do be a Spanish student learning how to speak English in the northside of Cork, do you know that kind of a way? My friends told me it do be Baa-ltic before I came over, but it turns out that’s been like the Bahaaaamas for the past fortnight, and my skin is totally mahog from being out in the sun. (I do be belting the boys away with a filthy stick and all, lah.) I phoned the old man last night to ask for money and he was all like, what is that language your are speaking Freya? My oral English exam do be next week, everything crossed that I gets it. Do you think I’ll be OK, like? – Freya, Madrid and Ballyvolane, lubbly jubbly.

What? My nephew teaches English as a foreign language because he forgot to study for his Leaving. I asked him what would you expect from an English language school that places students in the northside? He said a refund.