Sex advice with Suzi Godson: 'Boyfriend can’t stop thinking about my past sex life'

I once made an offhand comment about something I tried in bed with my ex and regretted it immediately. But now my partner thinks he’s not as exciting as my ex in bed and is paranoid. He thinks our sex life is unadventurous, which it isn’t.

When we are getting to know a partner, a certain amount of disclosure about previous sexual relationships is inevitable. It helps us to understand each other, and that in turn builds intimacy and connectedness.

However, information about particular practices requires sensitivity. No man wants to think about the woman he loves with another man. No woman wants to think about the man she loves with another woman. At a rational level we accept that our partners had sex with people before they met us, but graphic disclosure is problematic because, while the narratives may be historical, the insecurity and angst that they generate are immediate.