No idea, I’ll check with my au pair. Only messing. As if I’d have kids and get distracted from all my social climbing! (Imagine.) I asked my Posh cousin if she has any ideas. She said where does this Carol-Ann live? I said Ballyvolane. She said that’s a shame. I said I know, but why. She said because she can’t threaten little Roy with a move to the northside. I said is that what you use against your Ronan? She said no way, that would be an appalling thing to do to a child.
I just give him a quick little slap when no one is looking.
On the road to Waterford? Keep going Reggie boy, we’re all behind you. I asked my software engineer neighbour, Eric, if you can spy on someone with a Fitbit. He said you can do whatever you want these days as long as you are tech savvy. I said except get a girlfriend, Eric. (You should have seen the state of his shirt.)
One of my New Year’s resolution is to keep away from Italians. So let’s leave it until next week. (I should be back on the booze by then, please god.)
I honestly think it’s impossible to choose between Mallow and Fermoy . You know that no matter what you do, you’re going to end up in one of them.
The best thing about Mallow is at least it isn’t Charleville. On the other hand, Fermoy has its fans, giant industrial ones to blow the stench of disappointment back towards Mitchelstown. (Not that they work.)
Isn’t it awful when you can only afford Turners Cross? I’m afraid it’s impossible to stay classy while admitting that you bought a house in Glanmire. As for calling it Upper Glanmire — to be honest that’s like saying you’re moving into the nice part of Wilton. (Come off it, like.)
The chase can be very enjoyable. Unless you are one of these people who’s on Tinder for something other than casual sex. (Imagine.) I asked my cocksure student nephew (UCC) if he ever dated a teetotal feminist, so she could subsidise his boozing. He said why would you date anyone else?
I said okay, but do you really have to drink so much on a date? He said yes when the old doll wants to give you a two-hour lecture on the patriarchy I said she probably doesn’ t appreciate you calling her an old doll. He said tell me about it.