Sex advice with Suzi Godson: Dressing up is a big turn off for my partner

Suzi Godson gives her relationship advice on sexy lingerie and spontaneity.

I like to dress up in stockings and extravagant lingerie — I find it exciting. However, my boyfriend says he doesn’t find it sexy at all. He says that he prefers spontaneity, which dressing up removes. He thinks it’s all too much of a performance. Am I right to feel disappointed that he’s not keen?

Sometimes, issues that seem simple mask quite complicated underlying problems, and this is one of them. You seem to be clear about your own requirements, but are confused by your boyfriend’s objections.