Share, share alike: How social media has replaced the traditional diary

Social media allow us to reveal to the world thoughts once reserved for diaries, says Vicki Notaro

TODAY, I woke up in an awful mood, the result of a bad sleep, niggling work stress and an estate agent’s sign flapping around the road all night (the boom is back). A bad mood’s not new. But what is new is the urge to share my foul humour with the world, or at least with my Twitter feed, to publicly complain, to reach out to the world and be assured I’m not the only one with a bad case of the morning grouches.

In the past, I would have kept such a thing to myself, afraid to let others see inside my head. But, these days, telling everyone your innermost feelings, fears, and desires is de rigeur, all thanks to social media. Many of us are so connected that nary a thought passes our mind without the urge to share it.

Yet, often I resist, because I don’t want to be one of those people — someone who posts ranting essays to Facebook, or cryptic tweets designed to invite concern. The now iconic phrase ‘are u ok hun?’ sprung from just this kind of rampant, ambiguous oversharing.

I overshare for a living. As a writer, it’s my job to empty my head onto the page, and it’s mostly cathartic. But because it’s managed by an editor who reins me in, it’s not as cringe-inducing as the stream-of-consciousness stuff we see online. However, not everyone has such an outlet, so we see the content of their temporal lobe splashed all over social media. When I was younger, I used to write a diary, confiding in myself. Now, though, we all confide in one another — is that for better or for worse?

“We are, at heart, social creatures, with an innate desire to connect with other people,” says Vincent McDarby, a therapist and member of the Psychological Society of Ireland. “In order to connect, we must share some aspects of ourselves with others, and the drive for establishing this connection has always been there. Now, social media has allowed us to develop these connections in the online world.”

McDarby says that there are two concepts at play when we share online — disclosure and control, or what we share and who gets to see it. “The internet provides us with an opportunity for others to actively enquire about our feelings — for example, we can post that we’re feeling sad, inviting others to ask why.”

For most people, sharing online is a social norm and part of making social connections, but, for others, feelings of disconnection drive social-media use and connection rewards it.” The internet feel like a safe space where people can share their thoughts about their issues. Writer Sarah Waldron has recently taken to Instagram to discuss her mental-health struggles.

“I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety only last December, but, in reality, I’ve had it since my early teens,” she says. “I try to post something about the realities on Instagram at least once a week; medication, side effects and how paralysing it can be. Instagram is so filtered — literally and figuratively — and conversations about mental health online are often about the ‘after’, when everything is sunshine and rainbows, and not the ‘during’, which is mostly rain and fog, which is insane to me. “Can you imagine having a serious physical disorder, struggling to go about your life, and only telling the people close to you after getting better? I do it because I’m not ashamed, and also because I need to show people that I am still a functioning human being — not a zombie, not a ticking time bomb.”

Why Instagram, a platform known for perfected images and a focus on the visual? “It might be a bit counterintuitive to use Instagram, but it incorporates text and visuals nicely and I feel the online culture there can be a lot kinder that Twitter or Facebook.” Perhaps what was once perceived as oversharing is now the norm, and, in Sarah’s case, it can be helpful. Of course, it’s draining when an acquaintance constantly posts ranting, raving, and blatantly attention-seeking posts, but perhaps it’s just their way of reaching out to the world (and there are buttons you can press to mute them, without them ever knowing). It’s not possible for everybody to be articulate and informative about their innermost thoughts — sadly.

While I won’t be posting about every machination of my mind, I also won’t hold back if I truly need to vent — after all, someone more reticent might see my ranting tweet and feel a little bit better about their own crap mood, or I might lose ten followers.

Such are the swings and roundabouts of life in the digital age.