Leaving Cert year is bad for the soul but Christmas is bringing back the magic

Leaving Cert student Ellie Menton looks back at the stress of the last few months and explains why it is making her more excited for the magic of Christmas

This past term has felt like a bit of a paradox. I can’t believe how simultaneously fast and slow it’s been. I also can’t believe the levels of stress I have experienced these past few weeks. The lead up to Christmas has been rocky.

I was looking forward to Christmas quite a lot this year, more so than I have done for a while. I found myself romanticising December just like I would have done ten whole years ago (I feel awfully old saying that). Maybe it was the stress, but escapism has come back into my life in a big way. I have once again assumed my role as the super hero in my spare thoughts.

I forgot how much I loved romanticism. Getting unnecessarily excited about fairy lights in December is so much fun, and I can’t for the life of me remember why I stopped. I realised that this year has been pretty cynical for me so far.

Every test I face, I’m sure I’m going to fail it; every general criticism a teacher makes during class, I’m sure it’s directed at me; it’s gotten to the point where if somebody grabbed my books and threw them out the window, I would blame myself for not studying karate the night before. (I have no knowledge of karate other than that I cannot do it.)

Then December 8 hit, and I knew I wasn’t alone. It was officially six months to the Leaving Cert, and my Twitter feed seemed to release a universal groan of despair.

I feel like we’ve become pretty pessimistic. We’ve forgotten every good thing we’ve done, every talent we have, and each wonderful quality we possess. Our worth is solely determined by academia this year, and the people putting the most pressure on us – is us.

We’re all so convinced that the Leaving Cert is going to be horrific, that we live in constant fear and dread of it. Cynicism has become second nature to us.

I found that I didn’t really see a whole lot of magic in my life anymore, which really hit me in the lead up to the holidays. It was like I was going through the motions instead of actually enjoying myself; I was more concerned with the story of King Lear than I was of the nativity.

But once I caught myself, I forced myself to become excited again. I tried to let myself enjoy small things again, and actually let myself relax for a while, because even when I’m not studying, I’m thinking about studying.

I want to use the holidays to get in touch with myself again. Something about the New Year always gives me a wonderful sense of a fresh start, and I really want to take that chance and renew my sense of hope. We still have time.

Use it wisely but don’t wear yourself out. Remember to believe in yourself a little. Merry Christmas.