The best place to find Cork women impressed by money is at 73, Knobs Lawn, Ballinlough. Let me know when you are arriving and I’ll turn on the heating. Send the rest of your friends to Douglas. It’s a suburb on the southside where gangs of blonde women gather in bars to complain about the cost of bringing the au pair on their skiing trip. One word of warning for your friends. Don’t mention that you work in financial services. Let’s just say a lot of rich Cork people got screwed by a banker in recent years. And not in a good way, Randolph.
You won’t get a moment’s peace. There will be a queue of lads lining up to tell you they hope France wins and would you like to come to Hillbillys for a bag of chips. That promises to be about as romantic as a weekend in Cappoquin. Your only hope is that you’ll meet a nice boy from Cork city. At least he didn’t sharpen his courting skills on livestock. (Needs must below in Kerry.) I have to say, I envy the Irish team facing your lads on Sunday. It’s been ages since I had a gorgeous French man lying on top of me out in the middle of a field. I really miss going to Electric Picnic.
I agree Donie, it’s absolutely crazy.
The proposed motorway means that someone in Limerick could make it to Cork in under an hour. That will only encourage them.
Something must be done or Cork will be over-run with day-trippers who think that Castletroy is the last word in sophistication. I’ve noticed a lot of Limerick people are already coming here now that every second shop is a Starbucks.
We have to discourage them. The county council is doing its best, but we can’t expect the roadworks at Buttevant to go on forever. The election is coming any day now. It’s time to tell our politicians that instead of a motorway, we want a big ugly permanent traffic barrier on the N20. And no, I’m not talking about Mallow.
The story is that Cork has been taken over by a plague of hipsters. Last year they ran out of ways to look down on non-hipsters so they decided to bring filter coffee back into fashion. Suddenly drinking cappuccino or espresso is about as trendy as a dress shop in Boherbue. In fairness, I don’t think the café hipster was laughing at your order. The guy in question actually posted a photo of you up on Twitter. It’s hard to keep a straight face when you’re looking at that much nose hair. Just saying.
I don’t think it should be that difficult to scare them off. Particularly given that you sound like an awful witch. My cousin Melanie is an even bigger snob than you are Sorcha. (Imagine!) She sent out birthday party invites to everyone in her son’s Zach’s class even though some of their moms went to Christ the King school on the wrong end of the South Douglas Road. She happened to mention that the kids would be served swordfish risotto. Only the children of right eejits like yourself came along. No offence, obviously.