Ask Audrey has been sorting out Cork people for years

Hello old stock. I’m booking my tickets here for the Rugby World Cup next month. As you can imagine, I’m petrified of rubbing shoulders with working-class types who lack the refinement of someone like myself. I’m particularly afraid of Limerick people, who wouldn’t know the inside of a Range Rover unless they were robbing it. What is the best way to avoid meeting such types? Lenny, (Sundays Well and Marbella)

Poor Lenny. I’d say you must miss the old days, when the Aer Lingus flights to Heathrow had a curtain they’d pull across the front few rows to create a safe haven for outlandish snobs like yourself.

It only cost about £500 return and you could sit up there boasting about the size of your yacht. Happy days. Now, there is only one reliable way to attract posh thickos with accents like yourself. And that’s wear a Leinster jersey but who would want to do that?