Imaginary friends are a useful tool for kids

AS much as 37% of seven-year-olds have imaginary friends, according to research. It’s a phenomenon that can continue through the ages and stages, says Dublin-based psychologist Niamh Hannan.

Children are quite aware it’s pretence. “Most, if interviewed, say ‘I made it up’. Occasionally, you get a child who insists the friend is real. At a certain stage, children become aware that an imaginary friend isn’t [socially] acceptable.”

Research shows first or only children are more likely to create an imaginary friend, as are children who don’t watch too much TV. It’s a phenomenon that reflects opportunity, says Hannan.

“Children need unstructured time alone to be able to invent imaginary friends.”

The friends come in different guises — human or animal. They can be based on real people or on characters from TV or books. “Boys and girls do it to the same extent. Girls are more likely to invent companions and friends in need of nurturing. Boys often impersonate super heroes.”

Hannan finds parents more open and understanding today about imaginary friends, but some still harbour the misconception that the child must be lonely or troubled, that he needs this because there’s something ‘wrong’.

“That’s not necessarily true at all. Children with imaginary companions or personified objects tend to be less shy, engage in more laughter and smiling with peers. They do better at tasks involving imagining how someone else might be thinking.

“The ‘friends’ can help children work out fears, explore ideas or give a sense of competence through learning from imaginary friends or taking care of them. These little characters often have their own personalities — sometimes they might even ‘argue’ with the child.”

If the child blames his imaginary friend for his own misdemeanours, it can leave parents short of patience or dismissing the existence of the friend.

But unless the child is totally convinced the friend is real or the friend is getting them into trouble or making them unhappy, parents shouldn’t be too concerned, says Hannan.

Her advice is to relax and welcome the imaginary friend as providing a doorway into your child’s world.

“Ask questions about the friend — you might learn about your child’s interests or fears or what has been going on his day.”

If the imaginary friend becomes too demanding or disruptive, avoid challenging its existence.

* www.mindworks.ie

TOP TIPS

* Relax and enjoy your child’s imaginary friend.

* Ask questions – you’ll find out more about your child’s interests and preoccupations.

* Play along when time allows – ‘okay, you want to set a place for Tilly at the table?’

* Deal with unhelpful demands to do with the imaginary friend, without challenging its existence — in the car: ‘I understand Tilly always sits in this seat but we’re picking Granny up so Tilly will have to move over’.