Busy couples must look out for each other to maintain their relationship

Looking out for your partner is vital, especially when traditional roles blur as couples juggle kids and work, writes Arlene Harris

A SUCCESSFUL woman in her own right, Claudia Winkleman is not afraid to admit she loves looking after her family.

But the Strictly presenter, who has three children with husband Kris Thykier, was berated on social media recently for revealing that some basic love and attention was needed to help restore her marriage after their busy worklives sent it on to a rocky patch.

“All I know is that you can have a different marriage with the same man,” she explained.

“I think it’s also about growing older and being cosy. Working too hard puts a strain on – but we’re still working hard now,” she added, sharing her views on how to make a marriage work.

“We don’t have rules, but we look after each other more,” she said in the interview in Red magazine.

“So whoever comes home first normally makes the dinner for the other. It’s just about being nice to each other.”

Sensible as this sounds, it seems some people think this relegates women to the traditional caring, cleaning, and cooking mother role.

But relationship psychotherapist and counsellor Anne Burke says that while relationships are not the same as 50 years ago, it is important for both parties to consciously look out for their partner.

“Traditional roles have changed from the time when men were the breadwinners and women were the homemakers,” she says.

“Many men and women are sharing these roles now and in fact they are often reversed. But there are always people telling others how they should be and the worry that if you do something for your partner you will be seen as subservient or henpecked.

“One of the most important things in a relationship is emotional nurturance, but there needs to be a balance – if one person is doing all the caring they will eventually get worn out and may become resentful.

"Of course there are times when one will depend a little bit more on the other but partners need to be able to stand by each other as working through a crisis together is part of life.”

Burke, who is the director of the Johnstown Therapy Centre in Dublin, says good communication is essential and couples should learn to talk to each other properly.

“It is important to remember that couples may relate differently to things, but they must try and work with this and get know each other better,” she adds.

Dee Roche lives in Dublin with her husband Derek and their four children. She runs www.littleladiespamperparties.ie and although she is busy with her business and the family, believes it is vital to make time for her husband.

“I am more than happy to be able to look after my husband and my family but Derek and I work as a team,” she says.

“We all have very busy lives so it’s all about juggling things about and fitting in what can be done. Derek works long hours so when he is off, I prefer for him to spend quality time with the kids and myself so I do most of the cooking and cleaning at home. I know if situation was reversed and I was working more than 80 hours a week, he would do the same for me.”

The mother-of-four says she believes her situation works because both she and her husband care for each other and try to ensure they are on an equal footing –— this she believes has nothing to do with feminism and is simply down to teamwork.

“I never think of us as having particular roles,” she says.

“He is an amazing father and husband and I feel we have it sussed so we are both able to enjoy time together or as a family as much as possible.

“We have never discussed who does what or when, we just work together and neither of us compare if one of us does more around the home because we work as a team.

"At the end of the day I care for my husband and he cares for me, there is no competition. We are a couple working together to hopefully give our four kids a happy and healthy life.”

Tips from the relationship experts:

- It’s important not to ignore difficulties, so deal with problems as they arise to reach a compromise

- Life doesn’t stand still, so, by learning to acknowledge that our lives change continually, we will understand that so do our relationships. But the core of what keeps people together needs to be nurtured.

- Make a conscious effort to spend quality time together.

- Try to ensure you have a good sexual relationship.

- Independence is also important as it keeps the relationship healthy.

- Be sensitive to your own, and your partners’ needs

- Stay involved with each other’s lives.

01-2024837.